Escaping Through TikTok: How Our Youth Are Numbing Out — and What They Actually Need
A call for compassionate conversation, emotional support, and holistic approaches to youth wellbeing in South Africa
Across South Africa, and increasingly around the world, young people are spending more hours than ever glued to their screens — particularly on TikTok. This isn’t just a trend. It’s a symptom.
What once felt like harmless entertainment is now becoming a powerful emotional coping mechanism for adolescents who are overwhelmed, unsupported, or quietly suffering in environments where they don’t feel seen. They scroll not just out of boredom, but to numb out — to forget the problems they don’t have the words for, the fears they don’t know how to name.
And as much as it may be tempting to blame technology, the problem isn’t TikTok itself.
The real issue lies in what young people are trying to escape — and in the gap between their emotional needs and the support systems available to meet them.
What Are Our Youth Running From?
In our work at School of Hard Knocks (SOHK), we engage with students facing complex emotional and environmental challenges:
Homes affected by poverty, overcrowding, or neglect
Communities exposed to violence or instability
Schools where mental health remains underfunded or misunderstood
Families where emotional expression is discouraged or stigmatized
In these contexts, many students internalize the idea that talking about how you feel is weak. That vulnerability is dangerous. That nobody really wants to know what’s going on inside.
So, they stay quiet.
And they scroll.
A recent global survey by Common Sense Media found that 62% of teens use social media to cope with feeling sad, stressed, or anxious. For many South African youth, this number is likely higher — especially in low-income communities where access to mental health resources is limited, and safe emotional spaces are nearly nonexistent.
Why TikTok?
TikTok, in particular, is built to grab attention and hold it. With its endless scroll and rapid-fire algorithm, the platform can provide:
Instant gratification: Every swipe brings something new.
Emotional distraction: Videos are short, humorous, or uplifting, which can momentarily mask deeper distress.
Illusion of connection: Even passive viewing makes youth feel “plugged in” to a broader community.
Minimal demand: Unlike in-person conversations, TikTok doesn’t require them to show up, explain themselves, or be vulnerable.
It’s soothing. It’s numbing. And for kids in pain, it works — at least temporarily.
But here’s the problem: numbing isn’t healing.
What gets pushed down doesn’t go away. It builds. And without safe outlets, many young people start to lose the ability — or even the desire — to engage in real-world connection.
The Mental Health Implications
Researchers Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell have extensively documented how rising screen time among adolescents is directly linked with increases in anxiety, depression, loneliness, and disrupted sleep patterns. These outcomes are particularly concerning in communities already grappling with trauma, grief, or economic hardship.
Other studies from the Centre for Humane Technology and UNICEF echo similar findings:
Excessive screen use correlates with reduced self-esteem and increased body image concerns, especially among adolescent girls.
Social media “comparison culture” deepens feelings of inadequacy and isolation.
Youth with unaddressed trauma are more vulnerable to digital dependency, using apps as emotional escape routes.
In short: our kids aren’t just addicted to their phones. They’re starving for support.
So What Do They Actually Need?
Taking away the phone is not the answer. In fact, it often backfires. When adults try to “ban” social media without addressing the underlying emotional need, young people feel even more misunderstood — and their trust in us erodes.
What we need to offer is connection over control.
Support, not shame.
Curiosity, not criticism.
Here are key ways we can start to support our youth in healthier, more sustainable ways:
1. Talk About It (Without Judgment)
Start the conversation. Ask what they’re watching. What makes them laugh? What makes them feel worse? What trends are they seeing that affect how they think about themselves?
By treating social media as something to explore together — rather than something to punish — we build trust and open the door to honest dialogue.
2. Create Offline Spaces That Feel Safe
Many young people say they spend time on TikTok simply because there’s nowhere else to go — emotionally or physically.
That’s why SOHK works to create structured environments through sports, group coaching, and behavioural sessions where students feel safe to explore their identity, emotions, and challenges. In these spaces, they don’t have to perform. They just have to show up.
3. Teach Emotional Literacy
When young people can name what they’re feeling — sadness, frustration, boredom, loneliness — they’re far more likely to seek help instead of self-soothing through distraction.
Our programmes, especially NxtGenMen and NxtGenWomxn, equip students with Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) techniques, mindfulness tools, and guided discussions that help them build a vocabulary around their emotional world. This reduces emotional avoidance — and therefore, screen dependence.
4. Model Digital Boundaries (Not Fear)
Adults are also guilty of screen overuse. Instead of lecturing youth about their habits, we must look at our own. What would it mean to create phone-free time during meals, school breaks, or group sessions? Not as punishment, but as an invitation to presence?
Boundaries become sustainable when they’re collaborative and consistent — not reactive.
5. Provide Consistent Adult Presence
It only takes one adult to make a massive impact in a young person’s life.
At SOHK, coaches serve as that presence — someone who shows up, listens without fixing, and reflects back each learner’s value and potential. When youth have a trusted adult who checks in regularly, their risk of depression and anxiety drops significantly.
That adult could be a teacher, parent, coach, mentor, or school counsellor. The title doesn’t matter — the consistency does.
What We See at SOHK
At School of Hard Knocks, we don’t try to “fix” kids. We build relationships. We offer alternatives. We introduce tools. We challenge behaviour — but always with compassion.
Through rugby, group dialogue, lay counselling, and restorative practices, our learners begin to:
Understand their emotions and trauma
Trust others again
Experience belonging in real-time
Set goals for their future
Reduce screen dependence without even realizing it
Because when real connection is available, the need for numbing starts to fade.
Hope Over Hype
It’s easy to fear social media. It’s harder — and more effective — to look at why our youth are using it in the first place.
The goal isn’t to take TikTok away. It’s to make sure it’s not their only escape.
Let’s not punish them for wanting relief. Let’s offer them something real.
How You Can Help
If this mission resonates with you, here are 3 ways to support the emotional wellbeing of youth in your community:
Donate to SOHK: Your funding helps us run trauma-informed programmes, train coaches, provide meals, and reach more learners across South Africa.
Start Conversations at Home: Ask your child or student about their online world. Don’t fix — just listen.
Partner With Us: Bring SOHK to your school, business, or community group. Together, we can tackle trauma — and rebuild connection — one conversation at a time.
Final Thoughts
We are raising a generation of digital natives in a world of emotional scarcity. But there is another way forward — one rooted in understanding, consistency, and community.
Let’s not shame the scroll.
Let’s meet our youth where they are — and walk with them toward something more.