There are moments in our work at the School of Hard Knocks that remind us why we do what we do. Moments when a student who once sat in the back corner, silent and withdrawn, suddenly stands up to lead a team huddle. Moments when a young person who believed they had no future starts talking about their dreams with confidence and clarity. Moments when a parent tells us, through tears, that they have their child back.

This is one of those stories.

Meet Siya. When he first joined our programme two years ago, he was 14 years old, living in Khayelitsha, and carrying more weight than any teenager should have to bear. Today, he is a peer mentor, a rugby captain, and a young man who knows his worth. This is his story. And it is the story of what becomes possible when a community refuses to give up on its youth.

The Beginning: A Boy Who Felt Invisible

Siya grew up in a household where survival took priority over everything else. His mother worked long hours as a domestic worker, often leaving before sunrise and returning after dark. His father had left when Siya was seven, and contact had been sporadic ever since. Siya had two younger siblings who looked up to him, but he often felt more like a parent than a brother.

At school, Siya was quiet. Too quiet. Teachers barely noticed him. He sat at the back of the class, never raised his hand, and turned in assignments that were just good enough to pass. He had friends, but no one he felt truly close to. No one he could talk to about the loneliness that sat heavy in his chest, or the anger that sometimes bubbled up without warning.

By the time he reached Grade 9, Siya had started skipping school. Not every day, but enough that his marks began to slip. He spent hours on his phone, scrolling through TikTok, watching other people live lives that seemed impossibly far from his own. He felt stuck. Invisible. Like nothing he did would ever matter.

His mother noticed the change but did not know what to do. She was exhausted, worried, and overwhelmed. When a teacher mentioned that Siya seemed withdrawn, she felt a pang of guilt but had no idea where to turn for help.

Then, one afternoon, a SOHK coach came to Siya's school.

The Invitation: A Chance to Try Something Different

The coach's name was Lunga, and he was not like the other adults Siya had encountered. Lunga did not lecture. He did not judge. He simply invited students to join a rugby programme that met twice a week after school. No experience necessary. No fees. Just show up.

Siya was not interested at first. Rugby felt like something for other people—people who were confident, athletic, and outgoing. But Lunga was persistent. He noticed Siya lingering near the field one day and walked over.

"You ever played rugby?" Lunga asked.

Siya shook his head.

"Good," Lunga said with a grin. "Then you've got nothing to unlearn. Come try it out. If you hate it, you never have to come back."

Something about the way Lunga spoke made Siya feel seen. Not pressured. Not judged. Just seen. So the next week, he showed up.

The Struggle: Learning to Trust Again

The first few sessions were hard. Siya felt awkward and out of place. He did not know the rules of rugby. He was not as fast or as strong as some of the other students. And when the coach asked everyone to share one thing they were grateful for during the closing circle, Siya froze. He could not think of anything.

But something kept him coming back. Maybe it was the way the coaches treated him with respect, even when he messed up. Maybe it was the way his teammates cheered when he completed a drill, no matter how small. Or maybe it was the fact that, for the first time in a long time, he felt like he was part of something.

Slowly, Siya began to open up. In the team huddles, the coaches did not just talk about rugby. They talked about emotions, mental health, and the challenges the students were facing. They created space for honesty. And in that space, Siya realised he was not alone.

Other students shared stories that sounded like his own. They talked about feeling invisible, about carrying responsibilities that felt too heavy, about not knowing how to ask for help. And the coaches listened. They did not try to fix everything. They just listened, validated, and reminded the students that their feelings mattered.

For Siya, this was revolutionary. He had spent so long believing that his struggles were his alone to carry. But here, in this circle of teammates and coaches, he began to see that vulnerability was not weakness. It was connection.

The Breakthrough: Finding His Voice

The turning point came during a particularly tough week. Siya's mother had been ill, and he had missed several days of school to help care for his siblings. He felt overwhelmed, exhausted, and on the verge of quitting the programme altogether.

But when he showed up to practice that week, Lunga pulled him aside.

"You alright, Siya?" Lunga asked.

Siya shrugged. "I'm fine."

Lunga did not push, but he did not let it go either. "You know, it's okay not to be fine. You don't have to carry everything on your own."

Something in Siya cracked open. And for the first time, he told someone the truth. He talked about his mother's illness, about feeling like he had to be strong for everyone, about the fear that he was failing at everything. He talked until there were no words left, and Lunga just listened.

When Siya finished, Lunga said something he would never forget: "You're not failing, Siya. You're surviving. And that takes more strength than most people will ever know. But you don't have to do it alone anymore. We've got you."

That conversation changed everything.

The Transformation: Becoming a Leader

Over the next year, Siya's transformation was remarkable. He started attending school regularly again. His marks improved. He became more engaged in class, even raising his hand to answer questions. But more than that, he became a leader.

On the rugby field, Siya was no longer the quiet boy in the back. He was vocal, encouraging his teammates, calling out plays, and stepping up when things got tough. The coaches noticed his growth and invited him to take on more responsibility. By the end of the year, Siya was named team captain.

But his leadership extended beyond the field. Siya started checking in on his teammates, especially the newer students who seemed withdrawn or struggling. He remembered what it felt like to feel invisible, and he made sure no one else had to feel that way. He became the kind of person he had needed when he first joined the programme.

At home, things were still hard. His mother's health improved, but money was tight, and responsibilities were heavy. But Siya had tools now. He knew how to name his emotions. He knew how to ask for help. And he knew that his worth was not determined by his circumstances.

The Ripple Effect: Inspiring Others

Siya's story did not just change his life. It changed his family, his school, and his community.

His mother noticed the difference immediately. Siya was more communicative, more confident, and more hopeful. He talked about his future—about finishing school, maybe even going to university. He talked about becoming a social worker or a coach, someone who could help other young people the way he had been helped.

At school, teachers saw a different student. Siya was engaged, motivated, and supportive of his peers. He started a peer support group where students could talk about mental health and challenges they were facing. He became a bridge between students and teachers, helping to create a culture of openness and care.

And in the SOHK programme, Siya became a role model. Younger students looked up to him. They saw that transformation was possible. They saw that asking for help was not weakness. They saw that leadership was not about being perfect—it was about showing up, being honest, and lifting others up.

What Made the Difference

Siya's story is not unique. We see transformations like this all the time at SOHK. But what makes them possible? What are the ingredients that turn a struggling, invisible teenager into a confident, compassionate leader?

1. Consistent Presence

Siya did not change because of one conversation or one session. He changed because there were people who showed up for him, week after week, no matter what.

2. Safe Spaces for Vulnerability

The team huddles and check-ins created an environment where Siya could be honest about his struggles without fear of judgment.

3. Mentorship and Role Models

Coaches like Lunga did not just teach rugby. They modelled emotional intelligence, compassion, and resilience.

4. Peer Support

Siya was not alone in his struggles. Being surrounded by peers who understood him made all the difference.

5. Empowerment, Not Rescue

The coaches did not try to fix Siya's problems. They gave him tools, support, and belief in himself. They empowered him to find his own strength.

6. Holistic Approach

SOHK did not just focus on sport. They addressed mental health, emotional literacy, family dynamics, and academic support.

Why Stories Like Siya's Matter

Siya's story is proof that young people are not broken. They are not lost causes. They are not statistics. They are human beings with incredible potential, waiting for someone to see them, believe in them, and walk alongside them.

But stories like Siya's do not happen by accident. They happen because of intentional, sustained, community-driven work. They happen because of organisations like SOHK that refuse to give up on youth, even when the world has written them off.

And they happen because of people like you—donors, volunteers, advocates—who believe that every young person deserves a chance to thrive.

How You Can Be Part of More Stories Like This

Siya's transformation was made possible by a community that invested in him. Your support can create more stories like his.

Here is how you can help:

• Donate: Your financial support helps us reach more students, train more coaches, and expand our programmes to more schools and communities.

• Volunteer: Your time and presence can be the difference between a student feeling invisible and feeling seen.

• Advocate: Share our work. Talk about youth mental health. Help break the stigma and build awareness.

• Partner with us: If you represent a school, business, or organisation, let's work together to create safe, supportive spaces for young people.

Every rand, every hour, every conversation matters. Because behind every statistic is a Siya—a young person waiting for someone to believe in them.

A Final Word from Siya

We asked Siya what he would say to other young people who are struggling right now. Here is what he told us:

"I know what it feels like to think you don't matter. I know what it's like to feel alone, even when you're surrounded by people. But I also know that things can change. You just need one person to see you. One space where you feel safe. One moment where you realise you're not alone. For me, that was SOHK. And it saved my life. So if you're reading this and you're struggling, please don't give up. There are people who care. There are people who will fight for you. You just have to let them in."

At the School of Hard Knocks, we are not just changing individual lives. We are building a movement. A movement of young people who know their worth, who support each other, and who refuse to let their circumstances define their futures.

Join us. Because every young person deserves to go from invisible to unstoppable.

Resources:

• School of Hard Knocks: www.schoolofhardknocks.co.za

• SADAG: 0800 567 567

• Childline South Africa: 116

Parenting a teenager is one of the most challenging, rewarding, and emotionally exhausting experiences a person can go through. One moment your child is laughing with you at the dinner table. The next, they are slamming their bedroom door and refusing to speak. One day they seem confident and capable. The next, they are overwhelmed, anxious, and convinced they cannot handle life.

If you are a parent or caregiver feeling lost, frustrated, or worried about your teenager's mental health, you are not alone. At the School of Hard Knocks, we work with families every day who are navigating these exact struggles. We see parents who love their children deeply but do not know how to reach them. We see caregivers who are doing their best with limited resources, time, and support.

The truth is, parenting teenagers in today's world is harder than it has ever been. But it is not impossible. And with the right tools, mindset, and support, you can help your teenager navigate their mental health challenges whilst also taking care of your own wellbeing.

This blog is for you—the parent who is trying, the caregiver who is exhausted, and the guardian who refuses to give up.

Why Parenting Teenagers Feels So Hard Right Now

Adolescence has always been a turbulent time. But today's teenagers are facing pressures that previous generations never experienced. They are growing up in a world of:

• Constant connectivity: Social media never sleeps, and neither does the comparison, judgment, and pressure that comes with it.

• Academic intensity: The competition for university placements, bursaries, and opportunities feels relentless.

• Economic uncertainty: Many families are struggling financially, and teenagers feel that stress acutely.

• Social fragmentation: Communities are less connected, extended families are often far apart, and support systems are weaker.

• Mental health crises: Anxiety, depression, and suicide rates among youth are rising, and many schools lack adequate resources to respond.

On top of all this, teenagers are biologically wired to push boundaries, seek independence, and sometimes reject the very people who care about them most. Their brains are still developing. Their emotions are intense. And their ability to regulate those emotions is still a work in progress.

As a parent, you are trying to guide them through all of this whilst also managing your own stress, work, relationships, and responsibilities. It is no wonder you feel overwhelmed.

The Mental Health Struggles You Might Be Seeing

Every teenager is different, but here are some common mental health challenges that parents often notice:

Anxiety

• Constant worry about school, friendships, or the future

• Physical symptoms like headaches, stomach aches, or trouble sleeping

• Avoidance of social situations or new experiences

• Perfectionism or fear of failure

Depression

• Persistent sadness, irritability, or emotional numbness

• Loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy

• Changes in sleep or appetite

• Withdrawal from family and friends

• Talk of feeling hopeless or worthless

Stress and Burnout

• Feeling overwhelmed by schoolwork or responsibilities

• Difficulty concentrating or completing tasks

• Emotional outbursts or mood swings

• Physical exhaustion despite adequate rest

Low Self-Esteem

• Negative self-talk or constant self-criticism

• Comparing themselves unfavourably to others

• Reluctance to try new things for fear of judgment

• Sensitivity to criticism or perceived rejection

Behavioural Changes

• Increased secrecy or lying

• Risky behaviour or defiance

• Substance use or experimentation

• Self-harm or talk of suicide

If you are seeing any of these signs, it does not mean you have failed as a parent. It means your teenager is struggling, and they need support—from you, from professionals, and from their community.

The Biggest Parenting Mistakes (And How to Avoid Them)

Even with the best intentions, parents sometimes respond to their teenager's struggles in ways that make things worse. Here are some common mistakes and how to shift your approach:

Mistake #1: Dismissing Their Feelings

Saying things like "You're overreacting" or "It's not that big of a deal" can make teenagers feel unheard and invalidated.

Instead, try: "I can see this is really hard for you. Tell me more about what you're feeling."

Mistake #2: Trying to Fix Everything

Parents often want to solve their child's problems immediately. But sometimes teenagers just need to be heard, not rescued.

Instead, try: "What do you need from me right now? Do you want advice, or do you just need me to listen?"

Mistake #3: Making It About You

When your teenager is struggling, it is easy to take it personally or make it about your own fears and frustrations.

Instead, try: Focus on their experience, not your reaction. Separate your emotions from theirs.

Mistake #4: Ignoring the Problem

Some parents hope that if they do not talk about mental health issues, they will go away. They will not.

Instead, try: Address concerns early. Start conversations. Seek help when needed.

Mistake #5: Being Too Controlling

Micromanaging every aspect of your teenager's life can backfire, leading to rebellion or secrecy.

Instead, try: Give them age-appropriate autonomy. Let them make mistakes and learn from them.

Mistake #6: Comparing Them to Others

"Why can't you be more like your sibling?" or "When I was your age..." These comparisons damage self-esteem and trust.

Instead, try: Celebrate who they are. Acknowledge their unique strengths and challenges.

Practical Strategies for Supporting Your Teenager's Mental Health

Now let's talk about what actually works. These strategies are grounded in research, informed by our work at SOHK, and tested by parents in real-world situations.

1. Create a Safe Space for Honest Conversation

Your teenager needs to know they can talk to you about anything without fear of judgment, punishment, or overreaction. This does not mean you condone everything they do. It means you prioritise connection over control.

How to do it:

• Set aside regular one-on-one time with no distractions

• Ask open-ended questions: "How are you really doing?" "What's been on your mind lately?"

• Listen without interrupting or immediately offering solutions

• Validate their feelings even if you do not fully understand them

2. Learn to Recognise the Signs of Crisis

Not every bad day is a mental health emergency. But some warning signs require immediate action:

• Talk of suicide or self-harm

• Giving away possessions

• Sudden calmness after a period of deep distress

• Reckless or dangerous behaviour

• Substance abuse

If you see these signs: Do not wait. Contact a mental health professional, call a crisis line, or take your child to the nearest hospital.

3. Model Healthy Emotional Expression

Your teenager learns how to handle emotions by watching you. If you bottle everything up, explode in anger, or avoid difficult feelings, they will likely do the same.

How to do it:

• Talk about your own feelings in age-appropriate ways

• Show them how you cope with stress (exercise, talking to friends, taking breaks)

• Apologise when you make mistakes

• Demonstrate that it is okay to ask for help

4. Set Boundaries With Love

Boundaries are not punishment. They are a form of care. Teenagers need structure, consistency, and clear expectations—even when they push back.

How to do it:

• Be clear about rules and consequences

• Explain the "why" behind your boundaries

• Be consistent, but also flexible when appropriate

• Enforce boundaries calmly, not in anger

5. Encourage Healthy Habits

Mental health is deeply connected to physical health. Help your teenager build routines that support their wellbeing.

Focus on:

• Regular sleep schedules (8-10 hours per night)

• Balanced nutrition

• Physical activity (even just walking)

• Time outdoors

• Limiting screen time, especially before bed

6. Help Them Build a Support Network

You cannot be everything to your teenager. Nor should you be. They need multiple sources of support.

Encourage them to:

• Stay connected with friends who are positive influences

• Join clubs, teams, or community programmes like SOHK

• Build relationships with trusted adults (teachers, coaches, mentors)

• Access professional support when needed (counsellors, therapists)

7. Know When to Seek Professional Help

There is no shame in asking for help. In fact, it is one of the most responsible things you can do as a parent.

Seek help if:

• Your teenager's symptoms persist for more than two weeks

• Their functioning at school, home, or socially is significantly impaired

• You feel out of your depth or unsure how to help

• Your own mental health is suffering

Resources in South Africa:

• SADAG: 0800 567 567

• Childline: 116

• Your local clinic or hospital

• School counsellors or psychologists

8. Take Care of Yourself

You cannot pour from an empty cup. If you are burnt out, anxious, or depressed, it will be harder to support your teenager effectively.

Prioritise:

• Your own mental health support (therapy, support groups, friends)

• Rest and self-care

• Asking for help from family, friends, or community

• Setting realistic expectations for yourself

What SOHK Is Doing to Support Families

At the School of Hard Knocks, we recognise that supporting teenagers means supporting their families too. That is why our programmes are designed to involve parents and caregivers at every step.

We offer:

• Parent workshops on mental health, communication, and boundary-setting

• Family support sessions where parents can share experiences and learn from each other

• Resources and referrals to mental health professionals and community services

• Open communication between coaches, students, and families

We also create spaces where teenagers can develop emotional intelligence, resilience, and healthy coping strategies—skills that make parenting easier because your child is better equipped to manage their own wellbeing.

A Message to Parents Who Are Struggling

If you are reading this and feeling like you are failing, please hear this: You are not failing. You are trying. And that matters.

Parenting teenagers is hard. Parenting teenagers with mental health challenges is even harder. But you do not have to do it perfectly. You just have to keep showing up, keep learning, and keep loving them—even when it feels like they are pushing you away.

Your teenager needs you. They may not say it. They may not show it. But they need your presence, your patience, and your belief in them. They need to know that no matter how hard things get, you are not giving up on them.

And neither are we.

How You Can Get Involved

At SOHK, we are building a community where families do not have to navigate mental health challenges alone. We are creating programmes that empower teenagers, educate parents, and strengthen communities.

But we need your support to expand this work.

Your donation helps us provide mental health education, family workshops, and ongoing support to families who need it most. Your time as a volunteer can offer relief to an overwhelmed parent or encouragement to a struggling teenager. Your voice as an advocate can help reduce stigma and increase access to mental health resources.

Together, we can create a South Africa where every family has the tools, support, and hope they need to thrive.

If this mission speaks to you, join us. Donate. Volunteer. Share this message. Be part of the solution.

Because when we support parents, we support entire families. And when we support families, we build stronger, healthier communities for everyone.

Resources:

• SADAG 24-Hour Helpline: 0800 567 567

• Childline South Africa: 116 (toll-free)

• Suicide Crisis Line: 0800 567 567

• School of Hard Knocks: www.schoolofhardknocks.co.za

Peer pressure is one of the most powerful forces in a young person's life. It shapes decisions, influences behaviour, and can determine the path a teenager takes during some of the most formative years of their development. For many youth in South Africa, peer pressure is not just about fitting in at school. It is about survival, identity, and belonging in environments where those things feel scarce.

At the School of Hard Knocks, we see the impact of peer pressure every day. We see students who want to make good choices but feel trapped by the expectations of their friends. We see young people who know right from wrong but fear being rejected, mocked, or isolated if they stand up for what they believe. We see the internal battle between wanting to belong and wanting to be true to oneself.

This is why we need to talk openly about peer pressure. Not to lecture or shame, but to equip young people with the tools, confidence, and support they need to navigate these challenges with strength and integrity.

What Peer Pressure Really Looks Like

Peer pressure is not always obvious. It is not always someone directly telling you to do something wrong. Sometimes it is subtle. Sometimes it is silent. And sometimes it comes from people who genuinely care about you but are also struggling with their own insecurities.

Peer pressure can show up in many forms:

Direct Pressure

This is the most recognisable type. A friend or group directly asks, dares, or challenges someone to do something. It might be trying alcohol, skipping school, engaging in risky behaviour, or participating in bullying.

Indirect Pressure

This happens when young people feel pressured simply by observing what others are doing. If everyone around them is dressing a certain way, talking a certain way, or engaging in certain activities, they may feel they need to do the same to fit in—even if no one explicitly told them to.

Social Media Pressure

In today's digital world, peer pressure extends far beyond the schoolyard. Young people are constantly exposed to curated images of what their peers are doing, wearing, and achieving. The pressure to present a perfect life online, to gain likes and validation, or to participate in viral trends can be overwhelming.

Self-Imposed Pressure

Sometimes the pressure comes from within. A young person may assume that others expect certain things from them, even if that is not true. They may create narratives in their head about what they need to do or be in order to be accepted.

Why Peer Pressure Is So Powerful

The teenage brain is still developing, particularly the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and weighing consequences. At the same time, the brain's reward centre is highly active, making social acceptance feel incredibly important—sometimes more important than safety or long-term wellbeing.

For young people in South Africa, the stakes can feel even higher. Many come from communities where social bonds are essential for survival. Being part of a group can mean protection, resources, and emotional support. Being excluded can mean isolation, vulnerability, and danger.

Add to this the normal adolescent desire for independence, identity formation, and the need to be seen and valued, and you have a perfect storm. Peer pressure becomes not just influential—it becomes defining.

The Consequences of Negative Peer Pressure

When young people give in to negative peer pressure, the consequences can be serious and long-lasting:

• Academic decline: Skipping school, not studying, or disengaging from learning

• Risky behaviour: Substance abuse, unsafe sexual activity, or criminal involvement

• Mental health struggles: Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and identity confusion

• Damaged relationships: Loss of trust with family, teachers, or positive role models

• Legal trouble: Involvement in activities that lead to arrest or a criminal record

• Physical harm: Injuries from dangerous dares, fights, or reckless behaviour

But perhaps the most damaging consequence is the erosion of self-trust. When young people repeatedly act against their own values to please others, they begin to lose their sense of who they are. They start to believe they are not strong enough, smart enough, or worthy enough to stand on their own.

Recognising When a Young Person Is Struggling

As parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors, it is crucial to recognise the signs that a young person may be struggling with peer pressure:

• Sudden changes in friend groups or social circles

• Shifts in behaviour, attitude, or appearance

• Declining academic performance or loss of interest in activities they once loved

• Increased secrecy or defensiveness about their whereabouts or activities

• Expressing feelings of being "different" or not fitting in

• Showing signs of anxiety, stress, or low self-worth

• Engaging in behaviours that are out of character

If you notice these signs, do not wait. Start a conversation. Create space for honesty. Let them know you are there to support them, not to judge them.

How to Help Young People Resist Negative Peer Pressure

Resisting peer pressure is not about being a loner or rejecting all social influence. It is about developing the confidence, skills, and support system to make choices that align with one's values, even when it is hard.

Here is how we can help:

1. Build Their Sense of Identity

Young people who have a strong sense of who they are and what they stand for are better equipped to resist pressure. Help them explore their values, interests, and strengths. Encourage them to pursue passions that make them feel confident and capable.

2. Teach Assertiveness Skills

Role-play scenarios where they might face pressure. Practise responses like:

• "No thanks, I'm good."

• "That's not really my thing."

• "I've got other plans."

• "I don't feel comfortable with that."

The more they practise saying no in a safe environment, the easier it becomes in real situations.

3. Normalise Saying No

Let young people know that it is okay to decline invitations, to walk away, or to choose differently than their friends. Saying no does not make them boring or weak. It makes them strong.

4. Help Them Find Positive Peer Groups

Surround them with people who share their values. This might be through sports teams, youth groups, mentorship programmes, or community organisations like SOHK. When they have friends who support their goals, peer pressure becomes a positive force.

5. Keep Communication Open

Create a home environment where young people feel safe to talk about their struggles without fear of punishment or judgment. Ask open-ended questions. Listen more than you speak. Let them know that you trust them and that mistakes are part of learning.

6. Model Integrity

Young people watch what we do more than they listen to what we say. Show them what it looks like to stand by your values, even when it is unpopular. Share your own stories of times you faced pressure and how you handled it.

7. Empower Them to Be Leaders

Encourage them to be the friend who stands up for others, who invites the lonely kid to sit with them, who speaks out against bullying. When they see themselves as leaders, they are less likely to follow the crowd blindly.

What SOHK Is Doing to Combat Peer Pressure

At the School of Hard Knocks, we do not just tell young people to resist peer pressure. We give them the tools, the community, and the confidence to do it.

Through our rugby-based programmes, students learn teamwork, accountability, and respect. But more importantly, they learn that strength is not about dominance or fitting in. It is about standing firm in who you are, supporting your teammates, and making choices that reflect your values.

We create peer groups built on positive influence. Our students encourage each other to show up, to try hard, to be honest, and to ask for help when they need it. They learn that real friendship is not about pressure—it is about support.

We also provide mentorship from coaches who have walked similar paths. These mentors share their own stories of overcoming peer pressure, making mistakes, and finding their way. They become living proof that it is possible to stay true to yourself and still belong.

A Message to Young People

If you are reading this and you feel the weight of peer pressure right now, we want you to know something: You do not have to be like everyone else to be valued.

The people who truly care about you will respect your choices. They will not abandon you for saying no. And if they do, they were never really your friends to begin with.

It is okay to be different. It is okay to walk away. It is okay to choose your own path, even if it feels lonely at first. Because the right people—the ones who see you, respect you, and support you—will find you. And when they do, you will realise that belonging does not require you to lose yourself. It requires you to be yourself.

You are stronger than you think. You are braver than you feel. And you are never alone.

How You Can Support This Work

Peer pressure is a challenge that no young person should have to face without support. At SOHK, we are building communities where young people can be themselves, make healthy choices, and grow into confident leaders.

But we need your help to expand this work. Your donation helps us reach more students, train more mentors, and create more safe spaces where young people can thrive. Your time as a volunteer can be the difference between a student giving in to pressure or standing strong. Your voice as an advocate can help shift the culture in schools and communities.

Together, we can create a generation of young people who lead with integrity, who support each other, and who are not afraid to stand up for what is right.

If you believe in this mission, join us. Donate. Volunteer. Share this message. Be the support that a young person needs to resist the pressure and rise above it.

Because when we empower one young person to stand strong, we inspire an entire generation to do the same.

Resources:

• Childline South Africa: 116 (toll-free)

• SADAG (South African Depression and Anxiety Group): 0800 567 567

• School of Hard Knocks: www.schoolofhardknocks.co.za

Depression is not just sadness. It is not a bad mood that will pass with time. It is not something a young person can simply "snap out of" or "get over." Depression is a real, diageable mental health condition that affects how someone thinks, feels, and functions in their daily life. And in South Africa, it is affecting our youth at alarming rates.

At the School of Hard Knocks, we see depression show up in many forms. Sometimes it looks like anger. Sometimes it looks like withdrawal. Sometimes it hides behind a smile, a joke, or a shrug that says, "I'm fine." But underneath, there is a young person struggling to carry a weight they were never meant to bear alone.

This is why we need to talk about depression openly, honestly, and without shame. We need to learn how to recognize it, how to respond to it, and how to create environments where young people feel safe enough to ask for help.

Understanding What Depression Really Is

Depression is more than feeling down after a bad day. It is a persistent state of low mood, hopelessness, and emotional numbness that lasts for weeks, months, or even years. It affects the brain's chemistry, making it harder for someone to experience joy, motivation, or connection.

For young people, depression can be especially confusing. They may not have the language to describe what they are feeling. They may think something is wrong with them, that they are broken or weak. They may believe no one will understand, or worse, that no one will care.

According to the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG), one in five South African teenagers experiences symptoms of depression. Yet fewer than 25 percent of them receive any form of support or treatment. This gap is not just a statistic. It is a crisis. And it is one we can address if we know what to look for.

What Depression Looks Like in Youth

Depression does not always look the way we expect. In teenagers, it often presents differently than it does in adults. Here are some of the signs that a young person may be struggling:

Emotional Signs

• Persistent sadness, emptiness, or irritability

• Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt

• Loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed

• Frequent crying or emotional outbursts

• Expressing feelings of hopelessness about the future

Behavioral Signs

• Withdrawing from friends, family, or social activities

• Declining academic performance or skipping school

• Changes in sleep patterns (sleeping too much or too little)

• Changes in appetite or weight

• Increased risk-taking behavior or substance use

• Self-harm or talking about death or suicide

Physical Signs

• Constant fatigue or low energy

• Unexplained aches and pains

• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions

• Moving or speaking more slowly than usual

It is important to note that not every young person will show all of these signs. Some may hide their pain very well. Others may express it through anger, defiance, or acting out. The key is to pay attention to changes in behavior, mood, or functioning that last longer than two weeks.

Why Depression Hits Our Youth So Hard

Young people in South Africa face unique challenges that increase their vulnerability to depression. Many grow up in environments marked by poverty, violence, family instability, and limited access to resources. They witness trauma. They carry adult responsibilities. They navigate systems that were not designed to support them.

On top of that, they are dealing with the normal pressures of adolescence: identity formation, peer relationships, academic expectations, and the overwhelming influence of social media. They are constantly comparing themselves to others, feeling like they are not enough, and struggling to find their place in the world.

For many, home is not a safe space to talk about feelings. Mental health is still stigmatized in many communities. Boys are told to "man up." Girls are told to be strong for everyone else. And so they suffer in silence, believing that asking for help is a sign of weakness.

This is where we, as a community, must step in.

How to Respond When a Young Person Opens Up

If a young person tells you they are struggling, your response matters more than you know. Here is how to create a safe, supportive space:

1. Listen Without Judgment

Do not minimize their feelings or try to fix them immediately. Just listen. Let them speak without interruption. Show them that their pain is valid and that you take it seriously.

2. Avoid Clichés

Phrases like "It could be worse" or "Just think positive" can make someone feel dismissed. Instead, try saying:

• "I'm really glad you told me."

• "You're not alone in this."

• "It makes sense that you're feeling this way."

3. Ask Directly About Safety

If you are concerned about self-harm or suicide, ask directly: "Are you thinking about hurting yourself?" This does not plant the idea. It opens the door for them to be honest and get help.

4. Connect Them to Support

Encourage them to speak to a counselor, psychologist, or trusted adult. Offer to help them find resources. In South Africa, SADAG offers a free helpline: 0800 567 567.

5. Follow Up

Check in regularly. Let them know you are still there. Depression is not a one-time conversation. It requires ongoing support.

What SOHK Is Doing to Address Depression

At the School of Hard Knocks, we do not wait for young people to reach a crisis point. We build mental health education into everything we do. Through our programmes, students learn to identify their emotions, understand their triggers, and develop healthy coping strategies.

We create spaces where vulnerability is not weakness. Where asking for help is encouraged. Where every student knows they matter, not because of what they achieve, but because of who they are.

Our coaches are trained in trauma-informed care and mental health first aid. They know how to spot the signs of depression. They know how to respond with compassion. And they know when to escalate concerns to professionals.

We also work closely with families, schools, and community partners to create a network of support around each student. Because no young person should have to fight depression alone.

Breaking the Stigma Starts With Us

One of the biggest barriers to treating depression is stigma. Young people fear being labeled as "crazy," "weak," or "attention-seeking." They worry about being judged by their peers, rejected by their families, or misunderstood by their teachers.

We can change this. We can normalize conversations about mental health. We can model emotional honesty. We can teach our children that mental health is just as important as physical health, and that seeking help is a sign of strength, not failure.

This starts in our homes, our schools, our sports fields, and our communities. It starts with us being willing to say, "I see you. I hear you. And I'm here for you."

Practical Steps You Can Take Today

Whether you are a parent, teacher, coach, or community member, here are some ways you can support young people struggling with depression:

• Educate yourself about mental health. Read, listen, and learn.

• Create open lines of communication. Let young people know they can talk to you about anything.

• Model healthy emotional expression. Share your own feelings and struggles in age-appropriate ways.

• Advocate for mental health resources in schools and community programs.

• Support organizations like SOHK that are doing this work on the ground.

• Check in regularly with the young people in your life. A simple "How are you really doing?" can make all the difference.

A Message to Young People Reading This

If you are struggling with depression, please know this: You are not broken. You are not alone. And you are not a burden.

What you are feeling is real, and it is not your fault. Depression is not a character flaw. It is a medical condition that can be treated. There are people who want to help you. There are people who care about you, even if it does not always feel that way.

Reaching out is hard. We know that. But it is also the bravest thing you can do. Talk to someone you trust. Call a helpline. Send a message to a friend. Take one small step toward getting support. You deserve to feel better. You deserve to heal. And you deserve a future full of hope.

How You Can Support This Mission

At SOHK, we are committed to creating a generation of emotionally intelligent, mentally healthy young people. But we cannot do it alone. We need your support.

Your donation helps us provide mental health education, trained mentors, safe spaces, and ongoing support to students who need it most. Your time as a volunteer can change a young person's life. Your voice as an advocate can help break the stigma around mental health.

Together, we can make sure no young person has to carry the weight of depression alone. Together, we can build a South Africa where mental health is a priority, not an afterthought.

If this mission speaks to you, we invite you to join us. Donate. Volunteer. Share this message. Be part of the change.

Because when we lift the weight off one young person's shoulders, we lift the future of our entire community.

Resources:

• SADAG 24-Hour Helpline: 0800 567 567

• Suicide Crisis Line: 0800 567 567

• Childline South Africa: 116 (toll-free)

• School of Hard Knocks: www.schoolofhardknocks.co.za

The last few months of the year carry a lot of weight. Whether you celebrate Christmas, attend end-of-year ceremonies, or are simply trying to make it through exam season, the holidays come with a very particular kind of pressure. There’s the pressure to show up, to be joyful, to spend money, to make decisions, to host family, to travel. And underneath all that is often a quiet voice whispering, “I’m tired.”

At School of Hard Knocks, we work with young people who feel this pressure more than most. Many of them are coming from homes where resources are scarce. Some are experiencing grief, others are carrying the emotional labour of caregiving. The holidays can bring up feelings of loneliness, disconnection, or stress — not because they are not important, but because they carry such high expectations.

So this is your reminder: it is okay to take care of yourself first. Not just okay, it is essential.

Here are some ways to stay grounded, emotionally steady, and mentally well as the holiday season approaches — for students, parents, mentors, teachers, and our broader SOHK community.

1. Name the Pressure

The holidays are often idealised as a time of joy, connection, and magic. But for many, they bring up anxiety. Maybe it is because money is tight. Maybe it is because family dynamics are complicated. Or maybe it is because you are exhausted from a year that took everything out of you.

Naming the pressure is the first way to reduce its grip. Say it out loud. Write it in a journal. Tell a trusted friend. When we name our experience, we take the first step in caring for our nervous system.

2. Make Space for Real Emotions

Not every student is looking forward to the holidays. Some feel deep sadness at the absence of a loved one. Others dread the lack of routine or the long days with nowhere to go. As adults, we often want to “cheer them up” or “distract them,” but real mental health support begins with validation.

Instead of pushing them toward happiness, try saying:

• “It makes sense you feel overwhelmed right now.”

• “This time of year can be hard.”

• “You don’t have to pretend to be okay.”

This kind of language models emotional maturity and gives them permission to feel what they feel.

3. Protect Your Time and Energy

It is easy to become overcommitted during this season. Parties, events, family visits, shopping, errands. But your energy is not infinite, and it is not your job to please everyone.

Give yourself permission to say no. Set boundaries. Leave early if you need to. Create little breaks in your week that are just for you — a walk in the morning, a quiet coffee, a moment to stretch and breathe.

These small acts of protection are not selfish. They are how we show up for others from a place of fullness instead of depletion.

4. Prepare Students for the Shift

Many of our students thrive on routine. School, while sometimes challenging, offers structure, meals, support, and community. When school closes for the holidays, some young people experience a kind of emotional whiplash.

Prepare them by talking through what the break will look like. Ask:

• Who will be around?

• What will your days look like?

• What can you do when you’re feeling bored or overwhelmed?

Help them create small rituals to stay grounded — journaling, exercise, or even checking in with a friend once a week. A little preparation goes a long way.

5. Stay Aware of Triggers

For those with trauma histories, holidays can be full of sensory and emotional triggers. Crowded shopping malls, loud family gatherings, being around people who may not feel safe, or simply the memories associated with previous Decembers.

This is especially true for teens who have experienced violence, grief, or abandonment.

At SOHK, we remind our students that being triggered is not a failure. It is a message from the body. And the best thing you can do when it happens is to breathe, create safety, and reach out for help.

Adults can support by:

• Helping identify potential triggers in advance

• Creating calming routines (music, breathwork, movement)

• Offering quiet spaces when needed

• Reminding young people that they are not alone

6. Watch for Loneliness in Disguise

Loneliness does not always look like sadness. Sometimes it looks like anger. Sometimes it looks like endless scrolling on TikTok. Other times it looks like isolating in a room and refusing to come out.

The holidays can intensify feelings of disconnection, especially for students who feel different, unheard, or unseen in their families.

If a young person is acting out or withdrawing, resist the urge to punish or fix. Try to connect instead. Be curious, not controlling. Ask them how they are doing and really mean it.

Sometimes a conversation is more important than any present you could buy.

7. Give the Gift of Attention

You do not need to spend money to make someone feel seen. Teenagers, especially, are desperate for presence. They want to know someone notices them, cares about their opinions, and sees their effort.

Instead of gifts, try:

• A long walk together

• A handwritten letter

• Time spent doing something they love

• A conversation where they lead

This kind of attention is what many of our students at SOHK say they crave the most. Someone who will just sit with them and listen.

8. Model Healthy Digital Use

The holidays often mean more screen time, especially for youth without access to travel or events. While phones can offer connection, they can also become a tool for escape and numbing.

Adults can help by:

• Talking about social media use openly

• Setting healthy limits, without shame

• Encouraging time offline — not as punishment, but as an act of care

• Joining them in things they enjoy that do not involve screens

When students see adults modeling balanced phone use, they are more likely to reflect on their own habits. Especially when you explain why it matters.

9. Reflect on the Year

Before launching into the new year, pause to reflect on the one that has passed. Encourage students and families to do the same.

You can ask:

• What did you learn about yourself this year?

• What was the hardest moment?

• What are you proud of?

• What are you looking forward to next year?

This helps create closure. It also strengthens self-awareness, something we prioritise in all SOHK programmes.

10. Ask for Help

You are not supposed to do this alone.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, or emotionally flat, you are not failing. You are human. There are people who want to support you — but they cannot help unless you say something.

Whether you are a student, parent, educator, or community member, this season is better when we ask for support, when we check in on each other, and when we hold space for the full range of human experience.

At SOHK, that is what we do every day. And we invite you to join us.

Final Thoughts

The holidays are not easy for everyone. But they can be meaningful. They can be quieter. They can be slower. They can be about rest, connection, and self-awareness instead of consumption and performance.

Our work at the School of Hard Knocks continues year-round. We do not disappear when the schools close. We know that trauma does not take a holiday. Neither does mental health.

If you are looking for a way to give back this season, consider supporting us.

Your donation helps us provide meals, uniforms, trained mentors, mental health resources, and safe spaces for students who need it most. Your time, your presence, your advocacy — they all matter.

Let’s move into the holiday season with more awareness, more compassion, and more care. For our students. For our communities. For ourselves.

Rugby is often seen as a sport of strength, grit, and glory. But at its core, it is a game of unity, discipline, and deep emotional learning. In South Africa, rugby holds a special place in the hearts of many. It is more than just a sport. It is a culture. It is a lifeline. For many young people, rugby offers something far more powerful than trophies. It offers healing. It offers hope.

At the School of Hard Knocks (SOHK), we use rugby not as the goal but as the gateway. We use the game to teach emotional regulation, self-respect, accountability, and mental resilience. We see the field not as a place to perform but a place to transform. And in communities facing trauma, poverty, violence, and disconnection, that transformation becomes everything.

Rugby Builds Emotional Strength

Mental health is not just about staying positive. It is about having the tools to process hard things. On the rugby field, players face loss, pain, mistakes, and pressure. But they also face it together. When a pass is dropped, the team regroups. When a player is injured, the team rallies. This teaches young people that failure does not make them weak. Asking for help does not make them less. Vulnerability becomes a strength when it is met with support.

Every drill becomes an opportunity to regulate emotions. Every game becomes a mirror for life. Students learn to stay calm under pressure, to reflect instead of react, and to keep going even when things feel overwhelming. These are not just sports skills. They are life skills.

Teamwork Means Showing Up for Each Other

In rugby, no one wins alone. Each player must trust the others to do their part. If one person falters, the whole team feels it. For many young people who have felt alone or invisible in their personal lives, this is a radical shift. They are no longer just responsible for themselves. They are responsible to each other.

This sense of shared responsibility creates belonging. Students learn that their presence matters. Their effort matters. They begin to show up more consistently, not just for the game but for their teammates. This builds habits that stretch far beyond the field. It teaches commitment. It teaches reliability. It creates bonds strong enough to carry each other through mental and emotional storms.

Movement Is Medicine

There is a strong link between physical movement and mental health. Rugby offers students a way to move their bodies and release stress in a safe, constructive environment. But more importantly, it gives them the chance to do so with others. It becomes a place where they can be seen, heard, and celebrated.

Many of our students carry trauma in their bodies. They have learned to disconnect as a survival response. Rugby helps restore that connection. Through drills, contact, running, and even laughter, they start to feel alive again. They learn to inhabit their bodies with confidence instead of fear. And every time they complete a session, they carry that confidence into the rest of their lives.

Redefining Masculinity and Emotional Expression

One of the most dangerous myths in our culture is that strength means silence. Boys are often taught to suppress emotions, to stay tough, to never cry. This has created generations of young men who feel isolated, confused, and ashamed for feeling anything at all.

At SOHK, we challenge that myth head-on. Rugby becomes the space where emotions are not only allowed but required. Players are encouraged to talk about their experiences, to debrief after difficult games, and to support each other in both wins and losses. They are coached to understand their emotions, not ignore them. And in doing so, they redefine what it means to be strong.

Strength becomes about showing up, staying present, and leading with heart. Our boys learn that leadership is not dominance. It is care. It is patience. It is the courage to ask, “Are you okay?” and mean it.

Ritual, Structure, and Safe Space

Many young people come from environments where chaos is normal. Their homes may lack consistency. Their schools may be under-resourced. Their communities may be unstable. In these cases, routine becomes more than just helpful. It becomes healing.

Our rugby sessions are built on structure. Warm-ups, drills, reflection circles, and team huddles give students a sense of rhythm. They know what to expect. They know what is expected of them. Over time, this routine becomes a container for growth. It gives them a sense of control in a world that often feels uncontrollable.

And because that structure is paired with unconditional support, they begin to associate discipline with love instead of punishment. They learn that being held accountable can be kind. They learn that safety comes not from control but from connection.

Connection Is the Cure

Mental health thrives in connection. The opposite of depression is not happiness. It is belonging. When young people feel alone, their sense of hope shrinks. But when they feel part of something, even something as simple as a team drill, they begin to expand.

Rugby gives that connection in spades. Players learn to read each other’s body language, to anticipate needs, to celebrate small wins. They build trust, not just in others but in themselves. They begin to take risks, knowing that someone will catch them if they fall.

This connection becomes a buffer against the mental health crisis that affects so many youth. It becomes the difference between giving up and trying again. It becomes the reason to keep showing up, even when life is hard.

From the Pitch to the Classroom and Beyond

What happens on the rugby field does not stay on the rugby field. The confidence, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence students build through sport spills into every other part of their lives. Teachers report better behavior. Parents notice more communication. Students start showing up to class on time, setting goals, and taking initiative.

We have seen young men go from fighting in school to mentoring their peers. We have seen young women who once hid in the back of the classroom now leading warm-ups. The impact is not just anecdotal. It is measurable.

Mental health outcomes improve. School attendance increases. Disciplinary actions decrease. The ripple effects of this work are profound.

A Call to Action

We believe every young person deserves access to this kind of support. Not just those in privileged communities. Not just those already succeeding. Especially those who are struggling. Especially those who have been left behind.

Rugby is not the only solution, but it is a powerful one. And when paired with mentorship, emotional education, and a trauma-informed approach, it becomes a catalyst for real, lasting change.

At SOHK, we are on a mission to expand this work. To bring it into more schools, more communities, and more hearts. But we cannot do it alone.

We need your help.

Whether you are a parent, teacher, coach, donor, or simply someone who cares, your support matters. Your involvement can be the difference between a young person feeling alone and feeling seen.

You can volunteer. You can donate. You can share our message. You can help us bring the power of rugby to more lives. The next Springbok captain might be in one of our sessions right now. But so might the next great community leader, social worker, or mental health advocate. Help us find them. Help us raise them.

Because rugby is not just about winning the game. It is about changing the world, one young person at a time.