The school term has come to an end. For students, it’s a sigh of relief — a break from early mornings, tests, and routines. For parents and caregivers? It can feel a little more complex.

Without school structure, many children begin to drift: staying up late, scrolling endlessly, isolating in their rooms, or becoming restless and emotional without quite knowing why. And for parents who are still working, the holidays can bring a new kind of pressure:

“How do I keep them busy, safe, and mentally well — without spending a fortune or losing my mind?”

At School of Hard Knocks (SOHK), we know that term breaks can be both a gift and a challenge. Young people need rest, but they also need connection, purpose, movement, and support — especially those navigating difficult home or emotional circumstances.

This blog is here to help. Below are 8 practical, low-cost ways to support your child’s mental health, energy levels, and emotional development during the holiday break — no expensive camps or screen marathons required.

1. Keep a Light Routine (But Stay Flexible)

Structure gives children a sense of safety. Without it, anxiety and frustration can creep in. That doesn’t mean creating a strict schedule — but having some form of rhythm helps.

Try this:

• Wake-up windows (e.g., between 8–9am)

• Shared breakfast or morning walk

• “Activity hours” between lunch and dinner

• Evening quiet time: puzzles, books, or chats

Even a loose schedule can help avoid the daily battles of “What are we doing today?” and “Why are you still on your phone?”

🧠 Mental Health Bonus: Predictable days help regulate sleep, mood, and emotional outbursts.

2. Prioritize Movement Every Day

A moving body is a moving mind.

When children stay indoors for too long, screen time increases, moods worsen, and energy gets bottled up. The result? Explosions — emotional and otherwise.

No fancy gym needed. Try:

• Impromptu dance parties

• Jump rope or ball games in a yard or driveway

• Free YouTube fitness videos

• Making cleaning the house into a movement game

🚶🏾‍♀️ Mental Health Bonus: Movement reduces stress, boosts mood, and improves focus — even during downtime.

3. Set Social Goals Together

Many children feel lonely during school holidays — especially if they don’t have easy access to friends or playmates. That loneliness can sometimes look like irritation, withdrawal, or acting out.

Help your child maintain healthy social connection, even if it's minimal.

Ask them:

• “Who do you miss hanging out with?”

• “Would you like to call or visit someone this week?”

• “Is there someone you'd like to invite over for lunch or a play date?”

No friends nearby? Introduce them to safe, structured youth programs (sports, church groups, or SOHK sessions) if available.

🤝 Mental Health Bonus: Belonging is a core need. Connection combats anxiety and strengthens emotional resilience.

4. Encourage Skill-Building and Creativity

Term break is the perfect time to learn something without pressure or marks attached. This could be the spark that ignites a future passion — or simply boosts confidence and curiosity.

Some ideas:

• Teach them how to cook one family recipe

• Learn a song, poem, or dance together

• Build a puzzle or paint a mural

• Try a new language using free mobile apps

• Assign them a challenge (e.g., “Build something using only cardboard”)

🎨 Mental Health Bonus: Skill-building supports self-esteem, focus, and problem-solving — all while having fun.

5. Talk About Emotions — Casually

Without the school rush, holidays offer a rare chance to slow down and connect emotionally. But many kids won’t open up if asked directly. Keep it low-pressure and casual.

Try these gentle prompts:

• “What are you most looking forward to this week?”

• “Has anything felt tricky lately?”

• “If you could change one thing about school, what would it be?”

These questions create emotional safety without feeling like an interrogation.

🗣️ Mental Health Bonus: Conversations reduce emotional build-up and remind kids they don’t have to deal with feelings alone.

6. Limit Passive Screen Time (Gently)

It’s tempting to let children disappear into screens all day. And let’s be real — sometimes it’s necessary. But unchecked screen time, especially on social media, can affect mood, sleep, and self-esteem.

Try this instead:

• Set screen “zones” (e.g., no phones at the dinner table)

• Make them “earn” screen time by doing something physical or creative first

• Watch a show together and talk about it after

📱 Mental Health Bonus: Reducing passive scrolling gives the brain time to rest, think, and reconnect with real-world experiences.

7. Involve Them in Something Bigger

A powerful antidote to boredom is purpose. Even small acts of contribution can make young people feel important and included.

Ideas:

• Ask them to help with grocery planning or budgeting

• Give them a task that matters: “Can you design a welcome sign for guests?”

• Volunteer together (food drives, park clean-up, etc.)

🌱 Mental Health Bonus: Feeling useful boosts self-worth and reduces feelings of helplessness.

8. Give Them Time to Just Be Kids

Let’s not forget the simplest, most powerful holiday activity: unstructured play.

Whether it’s climbing trees, drawing on the pavement, riding bikes, or building forts, children need time to be imaginative, silly, and free from expectations.

We don’t need to over-schedule every moment.

🏕️ Mental Health Bonus: Unstructured play strengthens creativity, emotional processing, and self-soothing skills — all essential for long-term wellbeing.

For Parents and Caregivers: You Matter Too

Supporting your child’s mental health during the holidays begins with your own wellbeing. If you’re burned out, overwhelmed, or emotionally stretched, it’s okay to slow down too.

Here’s how to take care of yourself during term break:

• Share responsibilities if possible

• Take 10 minutes a day for something just for you

• Let go of perfection — good enough is good enough

• Reach out for support if needed

🌸 Your presence matters more than perfect plans.

Final Thought: School May Pause — But Support Doesn’t Have To

The holidays don’t have to feel like survival mode.

With a little rhythm, creativity, movement, and connection, these weeks can become a time of deep bonding, emotional growth, and lasting memories.

At School of Hard Knocks, we believe in supporting young people year-round. Whether it’s through structured sessions, sports, group work, or simple conversations — we know that mental health doesn’t take a holiday.

And neither does love.

Want to get involved?

• Sponsor a holiday skills workshop for SOHK learners

• Donate to help us run mental health and mentorship programmes

• Share this article with a fellow parent or educator who needs a reminder that they’re doing enough.

🔗 www.schoolofhardknocks.co.za
📬 info@schoolofhardknocks.co.za

There’s a silent crisis in South Africa.

You won’t always see it in the headlines.
You might not hear it from the men living it.
But you feel it in the rage.
In the withdrawal.
In the violence.
In the grief.

The crisis is this: Men are disconnected.

Disconnected from each other.
Disconnected from their feelings.
Disconnected from safe places to be vulnerable, express pain, or even just be human.

At School of Hard Knocks (SOHK), we see it every day. Young boys growing up believing that strength = silence, that pain = weakness, and that the only way to earn respect is through aggression or emotional shutdown.

But we’ve also seen something else — something radical and real:

When men come together in camaraderie, everything starts to change.

This blog explores why building brotherhood — real, honest, emotionally safe male connection — is a critical solution to South Africa’s gender-based violence, mental health crisis, and fractured sense of masculinity.

The False Mask of Masculinity

From an early age, boys in South Africa — and around the world — are handed a silent script:

• Don’t cry.

• Don’t talk about it.

• Don’t be soft.

• Don’t be “like a girl.”

• Don’t be weak.

Whether it comes from older brothers, fathers, coaches, media, or culture — the message is clear:
To be a man is to be untouchable. Unshakable. In control.

So what happens when a boy is hurt? Afraid? Rejected?
Where does he put those feelings?

Often, he buries them — until they come out sideways, through:

• Fistfights

• Insults

• Sexual conquest

• Drugs, alcohol, or self-harm

• Gender-based violence

• Silence so thick it turns to stone

Isolation Is a Killer

Men in South Africa are disproportionately impacted by:

• Suicide

• Substance abuse

• Violent crime (as both perpetrators and victims)

• Incarceration

• Depression that goes undiagnosed or ignored

And at the root of many of these issues? Loneliness.

Not just physical isolation, but emotional isolation — a lack of spaces to be seen without being judged, to be heard without having to perform.

That’s why camaraderie isn’t just a feel-good word.

It’s survival.

What Is Camaraderie, Really?

Camaraderie is more than friendship. It’s belonging with depth.
It’s shared experience, trust, support, and emotional presence — without needing to explain yourself or mask your truth.

It sounds like:

• “I’ve been through that too.”

• “You’re not alone.”

• “I’ve got your back, even when you mess up.”

• “You don’t have to be tough here.”

It looks like:

• Men checking in on each other — for real.

• A circle where it’s okay to cry.

• A rugby team that values character more than ego.

• A mentor saying, “Let’s talk,” before, “Let’s fix.”

And it creates something rare and sacred in male spaces: emotional safety.

What Happens When Men Feel Safe Together?

In our NxtGenMen programme — a 6-session intervention designed to reduce violence and promote healthy masculinity — we’ve seen firsthand what happens when boys are finally given permission to just be real:

• Fights on the field decrease.

• Empathy increases.

• Vulnerability emerges.

• Peer pressure weakens.

• Healing begins.

Here’s what one Grade 11 participant said after just two sessions:

“This is the first time I’ve seen the guys like this. Like, we’re actually listening. No jokes. It’s different — I didn’t know I needed it.”

We see it in the body language. The shift from bravado to breath. From swagger to stillness. From chaos to connection.

Brotherhood as Violence Prevention

There’s a dangerous myth in society that says men are violent by nature.

But the truth is more nuanced: men are often violent when they have no other outlet for grief, shame, insecurity, or helplessness.

Camaraderie offers an alternative.

When men belong to something real, they don’t need to dominate to feel powerful.
When men feel respected and seen, they don’t need to take it from others.
When men know they’re not alone, they’re less likely to act out in desperation or defensiveness.

This is how camaraderie becomes prevention.

Not by teaching rules, but by changing the emotional culture of what it means to be a man.

The Role of Sport in Building Brotherhood

One of SOHK’s most effective tools for building camaraderie is our sports-based intervention model — particularly rugby.

Why rugby?

• It requires teamwork, not just talent.

• It forces trust — your body is on the line.

• It offers structure and discipline.

• It provides an embodied release for emotion.

• It becomes a metaphor for life — struggle, support, strategy, resilience.

But it’s not just the sport. It’s what happens before and after the game: the check-ins, the conflict resolution, the talking circles, the support from coaches who model healthy manhood.

That’s where the brotherhood grows.

Real Story: A Team That Became a Tribe

One of our facilitators tells the story of a team that began the term with constant fighting. Shouting matches. Slurs. Shoving. Ego over everything.

But by week four, after tough conversations, conflict debriefs, and honest storytelling, something shifted. They began to apologize without being told. To cheer each other on. To stop fights before they started.

One boy who used to throw punches said:

“I didn’t know you could feel this close to people without having to act like a gangster.”

That’s the heart of it.

Camaraderie teaches that you don’t need violence to earn connection. You don’t need to perform masculinity — you can live it, gently.

How Adults Can Help Build Camaraderie for Boys and Men

Whether you’re a parent, coach, teacher, mentor, or friend — you can be part of the solution.

Here’s how:

🤝 Create Safe Male Spaces

Not every group of guys needs to be joking or competing. Create environments where checking in emotionally is normal.

📣 Challenge “Man Up” Culture

Interrupt toxic language. Say things like, “Real strength is sharing how you feel” or “It’s okay to be scared.”

🧠 Model Vulnerability

Boys watch how adult men behave. Talk about your own emotions, therapy, friendship, failure. Normalize softness.

🔄 Prioritize Peer Connection Over Solo Success

Help young men value teamwork, collaboration, and mutual support — not individual dominance.

🗣️ Make Space for Expression

Whether it’s through journaling, music, art, or group dialogue — help men speak their stories instead of suppressing them.

Final Thought: Brotherhood Can Break the Cycle

In a society plagued by cycles of violence, shame, and emotional suppression, camaraderie is revolutionary.

It says to men:
You matter.
You are loved.
You are not a machine.
You are not broken.
You are not alone.

At School of Hard Knocks, this is not a side mission — it’s central. Because when boys and men heal together, entire communities change.

This isn’t just about mental health.
It’s about freedom.
It’s about belonging.
It’s about rewriting the story of masculinity, one circle, one team, one brotherhood at a time.

Support our mission. Donate or partner with NxtGenMen to bring brotherhood and healing to schools across South Africa.
www.schoolofhardknocks.co.za | info@schoolofhardknocks.co.za

When it comes to supporting young people’s mental health, schools can do a lot — but home is where the foundation starts.

As caregivers, parents, and guardians, your presence, language, and listening can be the difference between a child suffering in silence and a child reaching out for help.

At School of Hard Knocks (SOHK), we believe that mental health awareness begins with open, honest, and safe conversations at home. And the good news? You don’t have to be a therapist to help your child feel seen.

Here are 10 simple, powerful ways to start opening the door to better communication in your home — and supporting your child’s mental health along the way:

1. Ask “How are you really?” and mean it.

Go beyond “How was your day?” Try:

• “What was something that made you feel happy today?”

• “Did anything feel hard or stressful?”
  Asking with intention creates space for real answers.

2. Listen without trying to fix.

When your child shares something vulnerable, resist the urge to jump in with solutions. Instead, respond with:

• “That sounds really tough.”

• “I’m so glad you told me.”
  Sometimes, just being heard is what heals.

3. Normalize talking about feelings.

Use emotional language in everyday conversations:

• “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed today — I’m going to take a walk.”

• “It’s okay to cry when you’re sad.”
  The more they hear it, the more they’ll learn it’s safe to share.

4. Avoid dismissing or minimizing.

Comments like “You’re overreacting” or “You’ll get over it” teach kids that their emotions aren’t valid. Instead, say:

• “Your feelings are real, even if I don’t fully understand them.”

5. Make space for 1:1 connection.

Even 10–15 minutes of undistracted, present time each day can open emotional doors. Go for a walk, cook together, or simply sit and check in without phones.

6. Use open-ended questions.

Avoid yes/no answers. Try:

• “What’s been on your mind lately?”

• “If your emotions had a color today, what would it be and why?”
  This makes it easier for kids to explore their inner world.

7. Share your own struggles (age-appropriately).

Kids don’t need perfect parents — they need real ones. When you share your challenges honestly (without oversharing), it models vulnerability and resilience.

8. Make it okay to say “I don’t know how I feel.”

Sometimes kids are overwhelmed and need help finding words. Offer a feelings chart, journal prompts, or even a list of emojis to help them identify what’s going on.

9. Let them lead the conversation.

Ask, “Do you want advice, or do you just want me to listen?” Giving them control over the conversation empowers them to express themselves how they need to.

10. Remind them: They’re not alone — and neither are you.

Say things like:

• “You can always talk to me.”

• “If you’re ever too scared to talk to me, we can find someone else you trust.”
  Normalize therapy, support groups, and peer mentorship as strengths — not weaknesses.

Final Thought: Communication Builds Trust, and Trust Builds Safety

Your child doesn’t need you to have all the answers.
They need you to be available, non-judgmental, and consistent.
They need to know they are loved, believed, and not broken.

Start small. Start today. Even a single open conversation can change everything.

Want more tools to support your learner’s mental health? Visit www.schoolofhardknocks.co.za or reach out to info@schoolofhardknocks.co.za

"She’s just being dramatic."
"Teenage girls are so emotional."
"She’s too loud, too bossy, too much."

These are the words that shape how society talks about girls — especially adolescent girls. These labels don’t just shame expression; they shrink potential. And when combined with structural inequality, poverty, and generational trauma, many girls begin to internalize a single, toxic belief:
"I am not enough."

At School of Hard Knocks (SOHK), we see a different truth every day.

We see girls who are more than enough. Girls who carry entire households on their backs. Girls who show up — even when their world is falling apart. Girls who want more, but don’t always know how to ask for it.

That’s why we created NxtGenWomxn — a 6-session intervention that uses the principles of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), group support, and real talk to build resilience, mental health literacy, and self-worth in adolescent girls across Cape Town’s most under-resourced schools.

Because when a girl knows her worth, everything changes.

The Silent Struggles Girls Face in South Africa

In many of the schools we work in, girls are facing an onslaught of challenges:

• Gender-based violence in their homes, communities, and relationships

• Caregiving responsibilities far beyond their years

• Societal pressure to look a certain way, act a certain way, succeed quietly

• Early sexualization, shame, and stigma around their bodies

• Mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, and self-harm with little to no access to support

• Limited role models or platforms to safely express who they are and what they need

And yet… they still show up. They still hope. They still hold dreams.

But hope without support can only go so far.

What Makes NxtGenWomxn Different

This programme isn’t about making girls more compliant or well-behaved. It’s about making them more whole. We blend:

💬 Group Dialogue

Where girls speak freely about identity, pressure, self-image, relationships, trauma, and future dreams. No judgment. Just real, raw truth.

🧠 DBT Tools

Borrowing from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, we introduce life-changing skills like:

• Distress tolerance

• Emotional regulation

• Radical acceptance

• Mindfulness
  These tools don’t just help girls cope — they help them lead.

💓 Validation and Belonging

We create a space where being "too much" becomes being just right. Where emotions aren’t dismissed — they’re honoured.

👭 Peer Connection

Most healing happens in relationship. We foster bonds between participants to create support networks that last beyond the final session.

Top 6 Lessons We Teach — and Why They Matter

Here’s a glimpse into the core lessons of NxtGenWomxn and the truths behind them.

1. “Your Feelings Are Valid”

So many girls are told they’re “too sensitive” or “too emotional.” We flip the script.
We teach that emotions are not only natural — they are information.

💡 Why it matters: Emotional suppression is a root cause of self-harm, rage, and numbness. Naming emotions gives girls agency and helps prevent destructive coping patterns.

2. “Your Body Is Yours”

We talk openly about body image, self-touch, consent, boundaries, and safety.
We teach that pleasure isn’t shameful, and that saying no is powerful.

💡 Why it matters: Girls often have little control over how their bodies are perceived, discussed, or even treated. Empowering girls to own their bodies is step one to ending gender-based violence.

3. “You Are Not Alone”

In every session, we normalize struggle. We normalize therapy. We normalize the messy middle.

💡 Why it matters: Isolation is one of the most dangerous experiences for young people. When a girl knows she’s not alone, her resilience increases — exponentially.

4. “You Can Sit With Discomfort Without Breaking”

Distress tolerance is one of the cornerstones of our work. We teach that intense emotions won’t last forever, and that breathing, pausing, grounding, and even naming the pain can change your reaction to it.

💡 Why it matters: Without tools, many girls either explode outward (fights, rage, shutdown) or implode inward (self-harm, suicidal ideation). DBT gives them a third option: ride the wave.

5. “Your Voice Matters — Even When It Shakes”

We practice standing up. Literally. Girls take turns speaking, advocating for their needs, saying “no,” setting boundaries, and asserting opinions — even when it’s uncomfortable.

💡 Why it matters: Girls are often taught to “play small” to avoid attention or judgment. We teach them to take up space — unapologetically.

6. “You Get to Dream Big”

We close every NxtGenWomxn cohort with goal-setting. But not just about careers — about identity. Who do you want to be? What do you want to feel more of? What will you no longer tolerate?

Why it matters: When a girl connects to her future self, her decision-making shifts from survival to intention.

Why This Work Is Urgent

Let’s be clear: South Africa is in a crisis of gendered violence, teen pregnancy, and poor access to youth mental health support.

If we don’t intervene now — with empathy, education, and empowerment — we risk losing an entire generation of girls who might survive but never thrive.

The cost of ignoring their pain is too high.

The reward for supporting their power? Immeasurable.

What Schools and Communities Can Do

Even if you don’t run a NxtGenWomxn program, there are simple, powerful ways to support girls:

🌼 Create Safe Circles

Designate a weekly time for girls to check in, share, and breathe — without teachers judging or peers teasing.

📣 Celebrate Emotional Honesty

Praise girls for speaking their truth, even when it’s messy. Honour honesty over perfection.

📚 Teach Mental Health Skills

Incorporate emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and goal-setting into life skills classes.

💜 Invest in Female Mentorship

Bring in womxn leaders who reflect your students’ identities and experiences.

🚫 Call Out Harmful Norms

Interrupt shaming, gossip, and microaggressions. Create a culture of kindness and consent.

Final Word: Empowered Girls Change Everything

When a girl learns how to name her feelings, regulate her emotions, take up space, and believe in her worth — everything changes.

Her relationships change.
Her schooling changes.
Her future changes.
Her community changes.

At SOHK, we’re not just raising awareness. We’re raising a generation of strong, soft, bold, brilliant, compassionate womxn who will change the world.

One breath, one session, one girl at a time.

Want to sponsor a NxtGenWomxn cohort or bring this programme to your school?
Contact us at info@schoolofhardknocks.co.za or visit www.schoolofhardknocks.co.za

Follow us on Instagram for daily inspiration and real stories: @sohk_sa

You’ve probably heard the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.”
At School of Hard Knocks (SOHK), we know it takes even more than that.

It takes consistent support, caring adults, safe spaces, trauma-informed tools, mental health interventions, and — yes — funding.

Every rand you donate isn’t just a number on a receipt. It’s a lifeline. A spark. A second chance. A future rewritten.

In this blog, we’re lifting the curtain on where your money actually goes, why your support is vital, and what kind of real-world impact you’re making when you choose to back SOHK.

Because when you give to SOHK, you’re not giving to a programme — you’re giving to a person.

Who Are We Helping?

Our work focuses on learners in no- and low-fee government schools across Cape Town, South Africa. These are schools where resources are stretched, trauma is common, and learners face challenges most adults would struggle to survive.

We work with:

• Adolescent boys growing up in violent communities, pressured to "act tough" even when they’re hurting.

• Girls and young womxn carrying the weight of caregiving, harassment, shame, and emotional exhaustion.

• Entire classrooms full of children struggling with anxiety, depression, grief, and low self-worth — often silently.

• Educators and staff who are doing their best but are overwhelmed, under-trained in trauma, and under-supported.

These learners aren’t just in need of academic support. They need mental health care, emotional safety, role models, structure, and belief. That’s where your donation steps in.

What We Offer (That Your Donation Supports)

Every programme we run is holistic, trauma-informed, and heart-led. We don’t just teach — we build relationship-based interventions that change lives.

Here’s a breakdown of the key initiatives your donation funds:

Mental Health & Emotional Literacy Sessions

Through group work and one-on-one lay-counselling, learners receive:

• Safe spaces to talk and process

• Psycho-education about trauma, identity, emotion regulation, and self-esteem

• DBT-informed tools to manage distress, anger, and anxiety

• Validation for their lived experiences — many for the first time

What your donation covers: Training facilitators, materials (workbooks, journals), transportation, and stipends for staff to deliver weekly sessions year-round.

Sport-Based Life Skills Coaching

We use rugby as a metaphor and medium for growth. Every week, learners participate in sessions that teach:

• Teamwork and resilience

• Emotional regulation through movement

• Leadership and accountability

• Positive masculinity and cooperation

What your donation covers: Coaching staff, equipment, training kits, venue access, water and transport to and from training grounds.

NxtGenWomxn: Empowering Young Girls

A 6-week journey rooted in emotional literacy, boundaries, self-worth, consent, and resilience. We help girls explore:

• Body image

• Mental health

• Goal setting

• Sisterhood and solidarity

What your donation covers: Facilitator training, DBT worksheets, snacks for sessions, follow-up resources, and support circles.

NxtGenMen: Redefining Healthy Masculinity

A powerful 6-week intervention teaching boys how to:

• Express emotions without shame

• Unlearn toxic masculinity

• Prevent gender-based violence

• Build empathy and emotional regulation

What your donation covers: Role play scripts, printed handouts, facilitator support, and mentorship follow-ups.

Safeguarding & Referrals

We don’t do this work alone. Our safeguarding officers connect learners with:

• Social workers

• Trauma therapists

• Food and housing support

• Academic catch-up programmes

What your donation covers: Phones, data, printing referral letters, transport for urgent cases, and time spent coordinating care for high-risk learners.

How Much Does It Really Take?

To give you full transparency, here’s a breakdown of some real SOHK costs:

Item Cost (ZAR)

• One learner’s full-year mental health support R2,800

• Weekly transport for one team of learners R750/month

• Training one community coach R6,000 once-off

• One set of rugby balls, cones, bibs, kits R2,500

• Printing DBT materials for 30 learners R850

• Emergency referral support per high-risk case R500–R1,200

• Monthly stipend for a community facilitator R3,500

That means even a R100 donation goes a long way.

What Happens When You Give

When you donate to SOHK, you create actual transformation. Here’s what your money becomes:

✅ A girl learns how to say no, set boundaries, and feel proud of her body.
✅ A boy discovers that crying doesn’t make him weak — it makes him human.
✅ A teenager in crisis gets connected to a social worker who ensures she’s safe.
✅ A teacher feels supported by trained SOHK staff instead of carrying everything alone.
✅ A classroom becomes more peaceful because learners have tools, language, and trust.

That’s what your donation does.

It doesn’t just “support programming.”
It breaks cycles. It saves lives. It builds futures.

How You Can Give (and Stay Connected)

Ready to make an impact? Here’s how to donate today:

🔗 Visit: www.schoolofhardknocks.co.za/donate
EFT or SnapScan: Safe, quick, and secure
Monthly Giving: Become a consistent supporter (even R100/month makes a difference)
Corporate Sponsorships: Email info@schoolofhardknocks.co.za to fund a school, team, or programme
In-Kind Support: Equipment, printing, transport, or venue access? Let’s talk.

Make your donation today.
Change one life.
Change many.

👉 Donate Now

Would you like this turned into a donor PDF, Instagram carousel, or campaign email series next?

"Boys don’t cry."
"Man up."
"Don’t be soft."
"Violence is just part of growing up."

These aren’t just playground taunts — they’re messages deeply woven into the fabric of how boys are taught to exist in the world. For generations, masculinity has been defined by stoicism, dominance, and emotional suppression. And the consequences? Disconnection. Depression. Violence. Isolation. A crisis in identity that hurts not only boys themselves but everyone around them.

At School of Hard Knocks (SOHK), we’re challenging that narrative.

Through our NxtGenMen programme, we’re helping adolescent boys and young men rewrite the rules of manhood — to build emotional intelligence, reduce gender-based violence, and create a generation that isn’t afraid to lead with strength and sensitivity.

This blog explores how we got here, what’s at stake, and how we can start breaking the boy code — together.

The Masculinity Myth: Where It All Begins

From a young age, boys are fed a very narrow script:

• Show no vulnerability.

• Use anger instead of words.

• Win at all costs.

• Seek dominance, not connection.

• Reject anything seen as “feminine.”

This is the "boy code" — an unspoken, rigid set of rules that boys are pressured to follow or risk ridicule and rejection.

In many South African communities, where systemic violence, poverty, and intergenerational trauma are already present, this code becomes even more dangerous. When emotional expression is policed, and power is measured through control or aggression, we get:

• Higher rates of interpersonal violence

• Deep struggles with mental health and suicide

• Increased gender-based violence

• Boys who grow into men who don’t know how to ask for help, say “I’m hurting,” or love without fear

It’s not a crisis of masculinity. It’s a crisis of limited masculinity — and we need a new story.

What Is Healthy Masculinity?

At SOHK, we define healthy masculinity as the ability for boys and men to be:

• Emotionally aware

• Accountable for their actions

• Non-violent and respectful in relationships

• Able to express vulnerability without shame

• Confident without dominating others

It’s not about rejecting masculinity — it’s about expanding it. It’s about saying:

“You can be strong and soft.”
“You can cry and still be courageous.”
“You can lead without needing to control.”
“You are still a man if you ask for help.”

Inside NxtGenMen: How We’re Changing the Narrative

Our NxtGenMen programme is a 6-session intervention aimed at reducing violence perpetrated by men, especially violence against women. We work with adolescent boys in under-resourced schools, delivering weekly sessions that blend:

• Group dialogue on emotions, identity, and relationships

• Mindfulness and emotional regulation practices

• Role play and scenario-based learning

• Accountability and empathy training

• Physical movement and team-building activities

We ask tough questions:

• What does it mean to “be a man”?

• Where did you learn that?

• Has it helped or hurt you?

• How do we treat people we care about when we’re angry?

• What are better ways to respond?

And the results? Boys start to talk. They soften. They think before they act. They realize their emotions aren’t a threat — they’re a compass.

What’s Holding Boys Back?

Even with powerful interventions, boys still face major roadblocks:

• Peer pressure to stay “tough”

• Lack of safe male role models

• Teachers or caregivers who dismiss emotional expression as weakness

• Fear of being seen as “less than” if they don’t conform

• Past trauma that hasn’t been acknowledged or healed

That’s why programmes like NxtGenMen are so vital. They don’t just teach skills — they create safe spaces for boys to experiment with a new way of being.

What Can Schools and Adults Do to Help?

Whether you’re a teacher, parent, coach, or caregiver, you play a role in how boys view masculinity. Here are five things you can start doing today:

1. Validate Their Emotions

Instead of “stop crying” or “you’re overreacting,” try:
🗣️ “It makes sense you’d feel that way.”
🗣️ “That sounds really hard — I’m here for you.”

2. Model Healthy Masculinity

Let boys see men who cry, apologize, cook, care, and connect. Representation matters — and boys need to witness men who live outside the old script.

3. Interrupt Harmful Language

Don’t let “man up,” “don’t be gay,” or “you throw like a girl” slide. These comments reinforce shame and violence. Challenge them calmly and consistently.

4. Create Safe Expression Spaces

Circle time, journaling, art, mentorship — give boys outlets for reflection that aren’t always verbal. Not every boy will “talk it out” — and that’s okay.

5. Teach Consent and Accountability Early

Teach boys that “no means no” — not just in sex, but in everyday relationships. Teach them that accountability is strength — not shame.

Real Stories, Real Change

We’ve seen a Grade 9 learner go from being suspended for fighting to becoming a peer mentor, guiding younger boys through anger management.

We’ve seen groups of boys start holding each other accountable — calling out misogynistic jokes or stepping in when someone’s being bullied.

We’ve seen tears in rooms where tears were never allowed before.

This is what happens when boys feel safe enough to be their whole selves.

Final Thoughts: A New Kind of Strength

We don’t want to raise softer boys. We want to raise stronger boys — boys who are strong enough to feel, to lead with heart, to protect without harming, and to love without fear.

The next generation of men is watching us. And we get to decide what kind of world they inherit — and what kind of men they’ll become.

At SOHK, we’re building that future one boy, one breath, one breakthrough at a time.

Want to support this work?
You can sponsor a NxtGenMen cohort, bring the programme to your school, or donate to help us train more facilitators.
Visit www.schoolofhardknocks.co.za or follow us on Instagram @sohk_sa