It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being there.

The first time I walked into one of our SOHK schools, I wasn’t sure what to expect.

I wasn’t a trained social worker. I wasn’t a teacher. I was just someone who said “yes” to volunteering my time. One afternoon a week. That’s all I promised. One afternoon to show up, listen, be present.

That one afternoon turned into a year. And it changed the way I see young people — and the way I see myself.

Here’s what I learned: you don’t have to have all the answers to make a difference. You just have to keep showing up.

We Think They Need Grand Gestures. They Don’t.

They need someone to remember their name.

They need someone to ask how their test went, even if they said it didn’t matter.

They need someone to high-five them when they finish a drill or pick themselves up off the ground after falling.

They need an adult to look at them like they matter — not just because of their grades, or their behavior, or their future potential — but because they exist.

And honestly? That doesn’t take a whole lot of time. It takes presence.

We All Want to Help. We Just Don’t Know How.

“I don’t have time.”

“I’m not qualified.”

“I wouldn’t know what to say.”

We hear it all the time. And to be fair, I used to say it too.

But after months at SOHK, I’ve watched volunteers who were accountants, shop owners, stay-at-home parents, and university students walk into our schools and make a world of difference — not because they had the right words, but because they showed up and listened.

You don’t need to fix anyone. You don’t need to lead a session.
You just need to be there.

A Lot of These Kids Have Been Let Down — Again and Again.

They’ve seen adults leave. Teachers change. Parents disappear. Systems fail.

So they stop expecting anything to last. Or anyone to care.

But when someone comes back — again and again — that belief starts to shift.

The quiet kid who wouldn’t talk to anyone starts asking you questions.
The one who always acts out begins to soften.
They start to open up. They test the waters.
And eventually, they let you in.

Not because you’re special. But because you stayed.

What Happens When You Stay

What happens when you show up once a week, consistently?

You start to see the difference you make. Not always in big, cinematic moments — but in small, powerful ways.

A kid who was barely showing up at school starts attending regularly because of the rugby sessions.
A girl who's always watching from the sidelines finally raises her hand and says, “I want to try.”
A teen who scrolls TikTok for five hours a day starts talking to real people again.

We’re not promising miracles. We’re offering momentum.
And that’s how real change happens.

It’s Not About Time. It’s About Presence.

Some people can’t give money. Others can’t commit to full-time service.
But if you can give two hours a week — or even two hours a month — you can change someone’s life.

Show up for a term.
Show up for a session.
Show up once, and see what happens.

When you sit in the circle. When you help pack the kit. When you drive a student home. When you just listen — something shifts.

Because showing up is the opposite of abandonment.
It’s saying, “I see you. And I’m not going anywhere.”

Don’t Wait Until You Feel “Ready.”

You’ll never feel ready.

You’ll think:
“I’m not good with kids.”
“I won’t relate.”
“I don’t want to say the wrong thing.”

But here’s what we’ve learned: youth don’t need experts. They need allies.

Someone who will listen without judgment.
Someone who doesn’t flinch at their stories.
Someone who’s willing to witness their truth and still believe in them.

If you can do that — even imperfectly — you’re already what they need.

Let’s Be Real — This Isn’t Just About Them

Volunteering at SOHK isn’t charity. It’s community.

It’s connection. It’s growth. It’s healing for all of us.

You might come in thinking you’re here to give.
But trust me, you’ll leave having received more than you imagined.

Perspective. Gratitude. A sense of purpose.
Maybe even a renewed faith in what people — young and old — are capable of.

If You’re Still Wondering If You Can Help, Here’s Your Answer:

Yes. You can.

You can:

• Help lead warm-ups at a rugby session.

• Sit next to a kid and ask them about their day.

• Be a quiet, calm presence during a tough moment.

• Share your skills behind the scenes if you’re not comfortable on the field.

It all matters. And it all counts.

Ready to Get Involved?

We need you.
Not your perfection. Not your resume.
Just your presence.

Here’s how:

• Visit: www.schoolofhardknocks.co.za/volunteer

• Email: info@schoolofhardknocks.co.za

When the alarm goes off, Ayanda is already awake.

It’s not even 6am yet, but she’s been up for a while, boiling water, making sure the younger kids are dressed, and packing her brother’s lunch. Her little sister is crying because she doesn’t want to go to crèche, and Ayanda tries to comfort her while checking the time — she still needs to iron her own uniform before the school transport arrives.

Ayanda is 14 years old (name changed to protect identity). She lives in Khayelitsha. And while she’s technically in Grade 9, she’s also the unofficial adult in her household.

Her mother leaves for work early in the morning. Most days, she’s gone before Ayanda even gets out of bed. Her father hasn’t been around for years. There’s no extended family nearby to help. So Ayanda does what she’s always done — she steps in.

She helps with cooking, cleaning, doing laundry by hand, and looking after her two younger siblings. It’s become so normal that no one really questions it anymore. Teachers at school call her “mature for her age.” Her neighbours say she’s “so responsible.” People often admire how she seems to have it all together.

But the truth is, Ayanda is exhausted.

Carrying More Than Anyone Realises

Ayanda doesn’t complain, but it’s clear that the weight she’s carrying is affecting her.

She struggles to stay awake in afternoon classes. She barely has time to study. When she gets home from school, she immediately shifts into adult mode: checking homework, cooking supper, and getting the kids ready for bed. Only once the house is quiet does she even think about her own schoolwork — and by then, she’s often too tired to focus.

She’s not doing badly in school, but she’s falling behind in some subjects. Her teachers are starting to notice that her once-consistent participation has dropped. She doesn’t raise her hand in class anymore. She keeps her head down. She looks drained.

At home, no one asks how she’s feeling. Most people assume she’s coping because she never causes problems.

But what they don’t see is how anxious she feels all the time — constantly worried about money, safety, or whether her siblings will be okay. What they don’t hear are the quiet moments where Ayanda tells herself to “just get through the day,” because she can’t afford to fall apart.

When Things Start to Crack

One Thursday morning, Ayanda doesn’t get up for school.

Her body doesn’t feel sick — but her chest feels tight, and she can’t stop crying. There’s no one to explain it to, and even if there were, she’s not sure what to say.

It’s not that something terrible happened. It’s that everything has been too much for too long.

By the time her mother calls to ask why the kids aren’t ready, Ayanda is already panicking. She feels like she’s failed. She’s let everyone down.

This is what emotional burnout looks like. But Ayanda doesn’t know that word yet. All she knows is that she’s tired — not just physically, but in a way that sleep can’t fix.

Finding Support Through SOHK

That afternoon, Ayanda still goes to her regular session with School of Hard Knocks (SOHK). It’s one of the few parts of her week where she feels safe. The sessions are structured but informal. There’s no pressure to perform. It’s a space where emotions are allowed, and where adults actually listen.

The day’s topic is about stress and emotional triggers. The coach leads a discussion on what it feels like when your body is under constant pressure. They talk about signs of burnout, how to recognise anxiety, and how to ask for help — even when it feels hard.

One of the girls in the group shares something that hits home for Ayanda.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m the parent in my house. But no one asks me if I’m okay.”

Ayanda doesn’t speak right away, but the words sit with her. She’s not the only one. And that knowledge alone gives her some relief.

In the second half of the session, the group practices simple grounding tools: breathing exercises, ways to calm the nervous system, and how to notice when you need a break. They also talk about setting boundaries — what it means to say no, to ask for rest, or to give yourself permission to just be a teenager.

For Ayanda, this is a turning point. She’s never heard an adult talk about emotions like this. She’s never been told that taking care of herself matters just as much as taking care of others.

What Mental Health Awareness Gave Her

Over the following weeks, Ayanda begins applying what she’s learned.

When she starts to feel overwhelmed, she takes 10 minutes in her room before starting homework. She doesn’t always have the option to rest for long, but even short pauses help.

She tells her teacher privately that she’s been struggling to concentrate. They work out a plan for support.

She starts writing in a small notebook — not full journals, just short thoughts, feelings, reminders that her needs matter too.

Most importantly, she begins to see herself differently. Not as someone who’s failing, but as someone who’s managing a lot and doing the best she can. The shift is small, but meaningful.

Why Programmes Like SOHK Matter

Ayanda’s story is not unusual. Across South Africa, thousands of young people — especially girls — are taking on adult responsibilities while still trying to finish school. These children are often praised for their strength, but their mental health is quietly slipping.

Without support, the pressure can lead to:

• Depression

• Anxiety

• Dropping out of school

• Long-term emotional trauma

SOHK doesn’t claim to fix every problem in these students’ lives. But it does offer something essential: emotional literacy, mental health tools, and trusted adult support.

It creates space for young people to be seen — not just for what they do, but for who they are and what they’re carrying.

Final Words: Small Interventions. Big Impact.

Ayanda still wakes up early. She still cooks. She still helps with homework. But now, she’s learning that she doesn’t have to do it all without support. She’s learning how to ask for help, how to name what she’s feeling, and how to give herself space to just be a teenager again — even if only for a few minutes a day.

That’s the impact of SOHK. It’s not just about rugby or group workshops. It’s about teaching young people that their emotional wellbeing matters — and giving them the tools to take care of it.

If you believe in supporting students like Ayanda, we invite you to get involved:

• Partner with SOHK

• Sponsor a mental health programme

• Volunteer your time or resources

Because behind every “strong” child is someone silently hoping for support.

Let’s be the ones who show up.

www.schoolofhardknocks.co.za
info@schoolofhardknocks.co.za
+27 (0)87 150 2140

The school holidays are winding down. And while some students are excited to reunite with friends and routines, many are feeling the familiar tension:

Early mornings. Homework. Pressure. Social stress. Performance anxiety.

For parents, caregivers, and educators, Term 3 can feel like the toughest stretch of the academic year. Energy is dipping, yet expectations keep rising. It’s a term that often demands stamina — not just from students, but from the adults around them too.

So how do we prepare for it?
Not just logistically — but mentally, emotionally, and energetically?

Here are 10 ways to help young people — and the grownups supporting them — enter Term 3 with a mindset rooted in calm, clarity, and care.

1. Reflect Before You Reset

Before diving into new goals, pause and reflect:

• What worked well in Term 2?

• What challenges stood out?

• What did your child/student need more (or less) of?

Reflection grounds us in reality — so we don’t repeat patterns or carry old stress into the new term.

Try it: Ask your child or class, “What was the hardest part of last term? What was the most fun?”

2. Ease Back Into Routine — Slowly

Don’t flip the switch from late nights to 6am wake-ups in one go. In the last week of holiday, begin adjusting:

• Bedtime and wake-up gradually

• Meal times

• Screen limits

This soft landing helps the body and brain adapt — and reduces the shock to the nervous system.

3. Create a Calm, Clear Prep Space

Whether at home or school, the physical environment impacts mental focus. Use the last few days of break to reset:

• Tidy up study areas or desks

• Restock stationery or notebooks

• Create a calendar with important Term 3 dates

When your surroundings are clear, your mind can be too.

4. Talk About Emotions — Not Just Schedules

Many learners are secretly anxious about returning to school. Instead of just listing what needs to be packed or bought, ask:

• “How are you feeling about the new term?”

• “What’s something you’re nervous about?”

• “Is there anything we can do differently this time?”

Listening without trying to fix builds emotional safety and trust.

5. Set Realistic, Personal Goals

Help your child or class choose one or two small, meaningful goals for Term 3.

Examples:

• “I want to raise my maths mark by 5%.”

• “I want to ask more questions in class.”

• “I want to go one week without missing homework.”

Keep the focus on progress, not perfection.

6. Prioritise Movement and Play

As pressure builds in Term 3, so do mental health risks: burnout, anxiety, and withdrawal.

Schedule time for:

• After-school movement (walks, sports, dance)

• Unstructured play (especially for younger learners)

• Family or class games that spark laughter and connection

A balanced nervous system leads to better behaviour and learning.

7. Practice Saying “No” to Overload

If your child or your classroom is already full, avoid piling on every opportunity. Ask:

• “Does this bring value — or just more stress?”

• “Are we doing this to impress others, or because it supports our goals?”

Protecting rest time, creativity, and joy is a form of preparation.

8. Build In Emotional Checkpoints

Once Term 3 begins, don’t wait until meltdown mode to talk about stress.

Use regular check-ins:

• Home: 10-minute evening conversations about the day

• School: Weekly class circles or journaling sessions

• Personal: Encourage learners to track their mood with a colour system or short sentence

Checking in often helps catch emotional strain early.

9. Make Gratitude a Daily Habit

Gratitude isn’t just “positive thinking.” It’s a proven tool to rewire the brain away from survival mode.

Create simple rituals:

• “What’s one thing that went right today?”

• “What made you feel proud this week?”

• “What’s something small that felt good?”

This builds mental resilience for tough days.

10. Remind Everyone: Progress Looks Different for Everyone

Some students will come back ready to thrive. Others may return carrying anxiety, grief, or fear — often invisible.

Support looks like:

• Patience with learners who struggle to engage at first

• Celebrating non-academic wins (emotional growth, effort, kindness)

• Keeping expectations high but human

Every learner’s journey through Term 3 will be unique — and that’s okay.

Final Thoughts: Preparation is an Act of Care

Preparing for Term 3 isn’t just about books and uniforms. It’s about:

• Helping learners feel emotionally safe

• Giving them tools to manage pressure

• Creating routines that support focus and joy

• Offering steady support when things get hard

At School of Hard Knocks, we’ve seen time and time again:
When a young person feels seen, supported, and understood — they rise.

Let this term be one of compassion-led learning, for everyone involved.

Want to support a student’s mental wellbeing this term?

• Donate to sponsor a coaching or lay counselling session

• Partner with SOHK to bring mental health programmes to your school

• Volunteer your time, presence, or skills

www.schoolofhardknocks.co.za
info@schoolofhardknocks.co.za

The statistics are sobering:

• Every 3 hours, a woman is murdered.

• Over 50,000 sexual offences are reported annually — and countless more go unreported.

• Gender-Based Violence (GBV) affects women, children, and LGBTQ+ individuals across every province, every class, every age.

We see the headlines. We mourn the losses. We hold vigils, change profile pictures, and demand justice.

But still, it continues.

At School of Hard Knocks (SOHK), we believe that prevention must go deeper than policy and punishment. It must start with healing the emotional wounds that fuel the cycle of violence.

This blog explores the deep connection between unaddressed mental health struggles and the epidemic of GBV in South Africa — and how investing in emotional literacy, safe spaces, and early intervention is one of the most urgent steps we can take to shift this national crisis.

GBV is Not Just a “Women’s Issue.” It’s a Mental Health Issue.

Most conversations about GBV focus on what women can do to stay safe:

• Don’t walk alone.

• Dress modestly.

• Avoid certain areas.

But the real question is this: What’s going on in the hearts and minds of those who commit violence?

Many perpetrators of GBV are carrying:

• Deep emotional trauma from childhood

• Unprocessed grief, anger, or shame

• Cultural conditioning around power and dominance

• Mental health struggles that go untreated or misdirected

This does not excuse the violence.
But if we don’t understand the root causes, we will keep treating symptoms — and missing opportunities for real prevention.

The Link Between Suppressed Emotion and Explosive Violence

In South African society, boys are often raised in emotionally barren environments. They are told:

• "Man up."

• "Stop crying."

• "Don’t be weak."

• "Control her or be controlled."

By the time they are teens, many have already learned to:

• Shut down vulnerability

• Express pain through aggression

• Confuse control with love

• View emotional need as failure

When these internal struggles are never spoken about, they fester.
When there’s no outlet, no language, no intervention — the pressure builds.

And in many cases, it explodes into acts of control, domination, and violence.

How Unhealed Trauma Fuels the Cycle

Both victims and perpetrators of GBV often carry trauma.

For those who commit acts of violence, research shows strong links to:

• Early exposure to domestic violence

• Lack of positive male role models

• Mental health issues like depression or unresolved anger

• Poor emotional regulation skills

• Beliefs rooted in patriarchal entitlement

When a child grows up in survival mode, without emotional support or structure, their nervous system becomes wired for fear, dominance, or disconnection.

If that pain is never acknowledged or treated, it eventually spills into relationships, families, and communities.

The Invisible Wounds of GBV Survivors

For survivors, GBV is not just a physical violation — it is a psychological wound that can linger for years, affecting:

• Trust and intimacy

• Self-worth and identity

• Concentration and academic performance

• Emotional regulation

• Long-term mental health (anxiety, PTSD, depression)

Many survivors of GBV go unheard and untreated, especially in underserved communities.
They are expected to move on, speak softly, or forgive quickly.

At SOHK, we refuse to let these wounds remain invisible.

Our Approach at SOHK: Healing from the Inside Out

We believe prevention begins in safe spaces where emotions can be processed, not punished.

Our work with students in high-risk schools integrates:

• Mental health literacy

• Safe group dialogue

• Sports-based emotional regulation

• Gender identity and masculinity conversations

• Lay counselling and trusted adult support

Our NxtGenMen programme helps boys unpack what it means to be a man — and offers new scripts that don’t involve violence, dominance, or suppression.

Our NxtGenWomxn programme gives girls tools to understand boundaries, emotional triggers, and how to seek help when feeling unsafe.

This is prevention. Not only of violence — but of emotional collapse.

What We See in Schools Every Week

A Grade 9 boy breaks down crying after being told he doesn’t have to be the “man of the house” at 15.

A girl who used to self-harm starts drawing again — because for the first time, someone asked her what she needed instead of punishing her.

A coach stops a fight by asking the group to take three deep breaths — and they do.

These aren’t miracles. They’re the result of consistent emotional support and safe adult presence.

That’s how change starts: in small, repeated moments of healing.

How the Mental Health Gap Blocks Progress on GBV

The truth is, South Africa cannot end GBV without investing in mental health.

Why?

Because:

• You can’t change behaviour without emotional awareness.

• You can’t expect accountability without self-regulation.

• You can’t teach respect without giving young people the tools to respect themselves first.

When mental health is ignored:

• Boys are left to fend for themselves emotionally, turning to violence or numbing as coping.

• Girls are left without support to recover, rebuild confidence, or speak out.

• Families remain stuck in cycles of silence, denial, and blame.

This is why the mental health crisis and the GBV crisis must be tackled together.

What We Need to Do Differently as a Society

1. Teach emotional literacy in every school
   Every child should learn to name emotions, ask for support, and handle conflict without violence.

2. Create more safe spaces for boys
   Not just detention or discipline. Actual spaces for boys to explore identity, vulnerability, and healing.

3. Support survivors with more than pamphlets
   Survivors need consistent mental health care, not just hotline numbers.

4. Involve men in prevention
   This is not just a women’s fight. Men must be educated, supported, and held accountable with compassion and structure.

5. Fund community-led mental health initiatives
   Grassroots organisations like SOHK are already doing the work — they just need more backing.

Final Thoughts: Healing is Not Soft. It’s Revolutionary.

We’re often told that mental health work is secondary — a luxury.
But we know the truth.

Healing is not a luxury. It is the foundation of any just society.
Because violence does not begin with a fist. It begins with pain that has nowhere else to go.

At School of Hard Knocks, we are holding that pain — and transforming it into power, self-awareness, and new pathways.

We are raising a generation that learns:

• How to express without harming.

• How to lead without dominating.

• How to listen to their own hearts — and others.

This is how we end GBV.
Not just by reacting to tragedy, but by building emotionally resilient communities before the violence starts.

Join Us.

Support our programmes.
Sponsor a mental health workshop.
Partner with us to bring NxtGenMen and NxtGenWomxn to your school.
Be part of the solution.

Because when we care for the hearts and minds of our youth, we are shaping a future where violence is no longer the language of pain.

www.schoolofhardknocks.co.za
info@schoolofhardknocks.co.za

In a country overwhelmed by crisis, poverty, violence, and mental health challenges, it’s easy to feel powerless.
“What can I possibly do that would really make a difference?”

Here’s the answer:
Show up.
With your time.
With your energy.
With your presence.

At School of Hard Knocks (SOHK), we’ve learned something profound:
You don’t have to be rich to be generous.
You don’t need to have a title to lead.
You don’t need a platform to change a life.

You just need to care — and be willing to act on that care.

This blog is a call-in. A celebration. A reminder that in 2025, the greatest gift you can give to South Africa’s youth may not be your money — but your commitment.

Let’s talk about why your time, energy, and support are our most powerful fuel — and how you’re helping rewrite futures, one learner, one coach, and one courageous act at a time.

The Heart of SOHK: Human Connection Before Anything Else

School of Hard Knocks was never just about rugby or workshops.
It was — and is — about relationship.

We exist to provide:

• Consistent adult presence

• Mental health and behavioural support

• Emotional safety

• Purpose and belonging

…to children and adolescents who have been left behind by a system that doesn’t always see them.

Our year-long programmes in no- and low-fee schools don’t just keep students busy — they help them heal, grow, and believe in themselves again.

None of that happens without the people behind the work.

Why Donating Time = Saving Lives

In communities where trauma, violence, and instability are the norm, your time can be a lifeline.

When you show up to mentor, coach, facilitate, or even simply listen, you send an unspoken message:

“You matter.”
“I care enough to be here.”
“You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Every week, SOHK volunteers and staff spend hundreds of hours:

• Holding emotional space for students in group sessions

• Coaching on the rugby field with compassion and consistency

• Facilitating NxtGenMen and NxtGenWomxn groups

• Offering lay-counselling and mental health support

• Delivering food parcels, checking in on home life, and providing practical help

These aren’t abstract gestures. They’re acts of resistance — against apathy, neglect, and generational harm.

What Support Looks Like in 2025

In just the first half of 2025, your support helped us:

• Work with 1,200+ students across schools in Cape Town, Gauteng, and the Eastern Cape

• Deliver over 6,000 hours of mental health and character-building workshops

• Facilitate 120+ NxtGenMen and NxtGenWomxn sessions, tackling gender-based violence, emotional literacy, and healthy identity

• Provide weekly coaching and mentorship to over 300 boys and girls

• Train new youth leaders and peer coaches from within the communities we serve

• Expand our safeguarding and wellbeing infrastructure for even greater impact

This is not charity.
It’s community building — and every volunteer, donor, partner, and advocate is part of this growing wave.

Donating Money vs. Donating Yourself — Both Are Needed

Let’s be real: running programmes takes funding. We are deeply grateful to our financial supporters, grantors, and partners.

But often, the most powerful donation isn’t financial — it’s relational.

A student won’t remember the exact Rand value of your contribution.
They will remember:

• The day you sat and listened

• The feedback you gave during a rugby drill

• The way you encouraged them to speak their truth during a group session

• The high-five that made them feel like a winner, even after a loss

This is what we mean when we say you don’t have to do everything — but you can do something.

Ways to Donate Your Time or Energy in 2025

Whether you’ve got a free afternoon or a lifelong passion, there’s a way for you to contribute to SOHK’s mission:

✅ Volunteer with Us

• Mentors for boys and girls in schools

• Workshop co-facilitators for emotional literacy, career prep, and gender dialogue

• Support coaches for rugby or sports-based sessions

• Event volunteers for community days or fundraiser events

✅ Share Your Skills

• Are you a social worker, psychologist, teacher, artist, or youth worker?

• We welcome guest facilitators and partners who want to co-create content or offer healing workshops.

✅ Be a Community Connector

• Introduce us to schools, organizations, or funders who could benefit from collaboration

• Spread our mission on social media

• Host a SOHK info night or fundraiser in your community

✅ Advocate

• Talk to your workplace about funding or volunteering as a team

• Recommend our NxtGen programmes to schools, churches, or youth groups

• Add your voice to the national conversation on youth mental health and gender equity

What You Get in Return (Besides Warm Fuzzies)

Donating your time and energy doesn’t just change others — it changes you.

You’ll find:

• A renewed sense of purpose

• A community of likeminded change-makers

• A deeper understanding of resilience, youth voice, and real transformation

• The joy of watching young people grow — not because you “saved” them, but because you showed up as someone who believes in their brilliance

You may walk in to volunteer thinking you’re the one giving.
But you’ll leave realizing you’ve received something even greater.

Our Vision for the Rest of 2025 — And How You Can Be Part of It

We’re just getting started.

With your continued support, we aim to:

• Launch 5 new SOHK school partnerships

• Train 50 new youth peer mentors

• Expand NxtGenMen and NxtGenWomxn across 3 more provinces

• Integrate trauma-informed training for all coaches and volunteers

• Develop after-school wellbeing hubs for at-risk youth

You don’t need to do it all.
But we need all of us to do something.

Final Thought: We Rise Together

It’s easy to feel helpless in the face of big issues: poverty, trauma, inequality, violence.
But there’s something more powerful than helplessness: collective action.

When you donate your time to a cause like School of Hard Knocks, you are doing more than helping.
You are building the South Africa you want to see.

One where:

• Every child feels seen

• Every boy learns he’s allowed to cry

• Every girl knows her voice matters

• Every school becomes a hub for healing, hope, and potential

That is our 2025 vision. And we want you in it.

Join the Movement. Lend Your Strength.

Want to volunteer, partner, or contribute your skills to SOHK?
Reach out to us — we’re ready to welcome you.

📍 www.schoolofhardknocks.co.za
📩 info@schoolofhardknocks.co.za

Together, we are the knock that opens the door.

At School of Hard Knocks, we work with learners facing an extraordinary mix of challenges — poverty, violence, anxiety, academic pressure, and often, unstable home environments. In the midst of all that chaos, it’s easy to overlook one of the most powerful tools we can offer:

Routine.

Not the boring, rigid kind of routine — but the kind that says:

“You’re safe here.”
“There’s a rhythm to life you can trust.”
“You don’t have to be in survival mode every day.”

This blog explores why structure is a mental health anchor for young people, especially in communities facing adversity — and how we can build it into our homes, classrooms, and support programmes.

Structure = Safety

For a young person who lives in unpredictability — whether that’s a parent who disappears for days, a new trauma, or food scarcity — everything feels out of control.

When the world feels unsafe, the nervous system stays on high alert. This can show up as:

• Anger or aggression

• Zoning out or chronic tiredness

• Struggles with concentration

• Anxiety or panic attacks

• Hopelessness

Routine creates a predictable rhythm that tells the body and mind:
“You are safe. You can relax. You know what’s coming next.”

The Brain Loves Patterns

Our brains are built for patterns and predictability. Routine reduces decision fatigue, lowers anxiety, and increases confidence. When a child knows:

• “I eat breakfast at 7.”

• “We start school with circle check-ins.”

• “My SOHK coach comes every Tuesday.”

• “I have 15 minutes to journal after dinner.”

…they begin to relax into the flow of their day. That calm turns into focus. That focus turns into learning.

And that learning? It turns into growth.

What Routine Teaches (That Lectures Can’t)

You can tell a young person to be responsible, or you can show them through structure.

Here’s what routine teaches — even without saying a word:

Skill How Routine Supports It Emotional regulation Predictability reduces stress and helps regulate mood Time management Set times for tasks build planning and pacing skills Responsibility Following a routine builds independence and ownership Boundaries Routines create clear transitions and limits without punishment Self-trust Completing small daily routines boosts confidence and agency

What It Looks Like in SOHK Programmes

In our schools, we embed structure into every layer of our interventions — not just to keep order, but to support healing.

• Life Skills Sessions happen weekly at the same time.

• Check-in Circles start and end the same way: with presence, breath, and sharing.

• Rugby Drills follow a predictable flow: warm-up, teamwork, coaching, reflection.

• NxtGenMen and NxtGenWomxn groups open with grounding, explore a theme, and close with intention-setting.

This kind of routine does more than create discipline — it builds emotional containment. It makes space for deep inner work, safely.

Real Story: A Learner Who Started to Show Up

One of our coaches remembers a Grade 8 boy who would often skip school, come late, or get kicked out of class. When SOHK sessions began, he’d sit in the back, hoodie up, arms crossed.

But week after week, the same coach arrived. The same warm-up. The same post-session debrief. The same space to speak without being punished for it.

Three months in, he arrived early. On time. Looking for his coach.

Why?

Because for the first time, someone showed up for him consistently — and now, he was learning to show up for himself.

How Parents and Caregivers Can Use Routine to Support Mental Health

You don’t need a perfect schedule to create safety at home. Start small. Here are simple, real-world ideas that create rhythm and reliability:

✅ Daily Check-In Time

Ask the same three questions at dinner or bedtime:

• What was good today?

• What was hard?

• What do you need tomorrow?

✅ Set Wake-Up and Bedtime Routines

Even if things are chaotic, structure how the day starts and ends — with breath, music, tea, a story, or a short walk.

✅ Create Weekly Rituals

• Monday = Movie night

• Friday = Family check-in

• Sunday = Room reset or journaling session

✅ Use Visual Schedules

For younger learners or neurodivergent children, print or draw out the day’s activities. It reduces stress and surprises.

✅ Let Them Help Build the Routine

Ask: “What part of the day feels messy? How can we make it smoother?” Let them choose one habit to own.

What If It Doesn’t Work Right Away?

That’s okay.

Routine is about consistency, not perfection. Some days will fall apart. What matters is that the structure remains something to return to — like a lighthouse in a storm.

And if the child resists at first? That’s normal too. Sometimes, resistance is a test: Will you still show up? Will this still be here next week?

Stick with it. You’re building trust, not just a calendar.

Final Thought: Routine as a Love Language

Routine isn’t about control. It’s about care.

Every time you create structure — in a classroom, on a rugby field, at a dinner table — you’re saying:

“I care enough to be here.”
“I believe in your potential.”
“You are worthy of stability, even when the world is unstable.”

And that message? It’s one every young person deserves to hear — again and again.

Want to help us bring structure, safety, and support to more learners?
Donate to SOHK today or partner with us to expand mental health programming in your school.
www.schoolofhardknocks.co.za | info@schoolofhardknocks.co.za